Truth, Odair
by GreyScientist
Summary: Katniss is being sold into personal slavery...following the footsteps of the intriguing Finnick Odair, who must now become her reluctant mentor. Will what they learn about each other pull them together or tear them apart? (Will get pretty graphic...waiting on feedback to see what the people want!)
1. Chapter 1

The air was thick with classical music. It was so faint that I could still hear the clicking of my too-high heels as I waded into unknown water. I had been prettied up and hand delivered to President Snow's private quarters with no other information as to why. In fact, Haymitch seemed to spook when I pressed him for answers. He wouldn't look me in the eyes. So the haunting violin concerto that filled this cavernous space was fitting.

I stopped a growing tremble in my legs as I wafted down a long hallway, turning and glancing into several doorways as I did and found nothing but the same orchestra score and different scenes filled with gaudy crystal and velvet. I smirked to myself. Who the hell could possibly need or want all of this flourishy crap.

I stopped in my tracks when one door revelealed a large hulk of a man sitting on the edge of a deep purple couch. He was breathing heavily, as if he'd been through battle. He was shirtless and his loose pants were undone and slung around his hips. He puffed slowly and languidly on a cigarette and the smoke encircled his huge bald head. He turned and saw me in the doorway and a slow grin spread over his lips. I moved immediately, not interested in any further interaction with such a man. I slunk further down the hall and for the first time in my life I was actually hoping to find Snow, as compared to the more recent tenant discovery he may be the best option.

I slowed again, quieting my heels in the great hall as I heard the murmur or voices. Many of them, though I couldn't make out much.

"That's right, pretty boy..."

"Ask us for more..."

"Wake up, you know we aren't through here..."

I recoiled at the intonation and the ruckus that accompanied it. But I couldn't not get closer, I just couldn't.

The hallway took me to a great room where I saw a throng of muscley, too-tall mutts gathered around a couch. Most of them were naked, and the ones that weren't were not far from it. They were descending on something...or worse, someone. The largest of them was perched in the middle. His body weight squarely over another smaller body I couldn't make out. His naked hips thrust with a fierce force I couldn't wrap my mind around being on the receiving end of. I gasped and two of them turned. An ugly ogre of a man chuckled at the sight of me.

"Ahhhh, the other guest of honor." He sneered in a deep throaty drawl. I instinctively backed towards the hallway, but was stopped in my tracks as two hands pinched my arms. They were tinier than expected, my head flew over my shoulder towards the person that felt they could manhandle me, and to my utter shock...saw Mags. I stopped trying to pull away from her and resigned myself to being in her grasp. I arched my eyebrows silently asking her what the hell was going on and she raised a finger to her lips, motioning me to be silent. I obeyed. I searched her eyes and noticed they were wet. A single tear has slid down her cheek and made its way to her lip. I fought the urge to wipe it for her. I hated seeing sad Mags. But I would stare at her for a million days before having to watch what was happening on the couch.

The couch. Mags. It hit me.

I whipped my head back and let my body fall back into Mags' chest. I let his name escape my mouth.

"Finnick?..."

Another of the men stepped away from the crowd and towards me. He sneered and Mags and I both stepped back.

"Oh don't worry, Girl On Fire. You're not here for us. You're here to take notes." He raised his arm to his mouth and wiped the sweat from his face with it. His whole body was slick and shiny with sweat, and I could barely stand to look at it. Over his should I noticed commotion on the couch.

The men were seemingly retreating, taking steps back until I saw him. Finnick's tanned and sinewy body splayed out on the couch. His back was bruised. Badly. His hair soaked and matted. His exposed lower body was cut, bleeding and raw. I saw his legs moving slightly so I knew he was at least alive. And trying to get to his feet.

He managed it. When he turned I saw his face had been beaten badly. His chest was covered in small cuts and what looked like burns. His eyes were half shut and I watched in awe of the spectacle as he forced them wide open and hid his pain as he straightened. My eyes pleaded with him as he looked at me. What the hell is happening here?!

I noticed the men that surrounded him were murmuring and moaning softly, a few of them were lazily striking themselves or licking their lips as they bore holes into Finnick with evil eyes. He stepped to me, masking a stumble.

"Katniss you're late. You've nearly missed all the fun." He cocked his smile crookedly. I was more confused than ever. I knew what Finnick was, what he did. But this?! This was too much.

He stared at me like he was waiting for an answer. He finally cocked an eyebrow.

"Fun?", I whispered, "what the hell is wrong with you."

He laughed but his smile faded fast.

"Beautiful victors like us are hard to find, sweet Katniss. There are lots of men...women...who will pay good money to spend time with you and that body of yours."

Finnick's words dripped like sewage from his mouth.

"Over my dead body." I hissed at him. He closed the space between us and whispered into my ear.

"No, probably over mine."

His words were haunting and unsure. I noticed Mags reach up to gently stroke his shoulder and he placed his hand on hers for just a half of a moment before pulling back and blankly watching us. The silence was broken too soon.

"I'm ready for you, Odair." A harsh voice hollered at him.

I saw him swallow hard.

"As you wish." He turned towards the men, and the one speaking had approached him and was handling his massive girth in his hand, seductively swaying towards Finnick. The out in my gut was filling with bile.

"And I'd love your pretty girlfriend on fire to watch me fuck you. Hard." He reached up and stroked the blonde hair out of Finnick's face before slapping it so hard his face turned back to me.

"Terrific" Finnick replied, thick with sarcasm.

I didn't know what Snow was doing. Not to Mags. Not to me. Certainly not to Finnick Odair. But for the first time I found myself wondering if dying in the arena might have been as easier task than what I was being prepared to face.

first jump into a story like this, so waiting to see what kind of feedback is out there before I proceed...thanks, loves! I hope you like!


	2. Chapter 2

I fought the urge to scream, cry, vomit or all three as Mags gently pushed me towards them. I stopped for a minute before regaining my bravery. Hell, I didn't have it half as bad as Finnick.

The man who slapped Finnick spun his body so he was facing me and I walked as close to Finnick as I could get, suddenly feeling protective of him as if somehow my presence was going to change anything.

"Maybe she'll enjoy the view like the old lady does."

Finnick tried to force a smile but I could see fear, shame and anger dancing behind his aqua eyes. They were wet, but he blinked it away.

"I'm sure she will..." He purred. Surely he wasn't enjoying this. Surely.

I remembered hearing the stories about him: the boy whore from four who slept his way through the upper class of the Capitol. The handsome victor who wooed ladies into bed and ran off with their money. The charming snake who fucked everything within arms length. But never had I imagined anything like this. We all hear stories, and I guess everyone has their thing. But...

I was lost in my thoughts when suddenly Finnick let out a long hiss and lurched towards me. Without thinking I grabbed his forearms and steadied him.

It was slow at first, and I realized the mutt from behind was inside of him. He closed his eyes tight and then opened them, boring holes into me. His body was beginning to shake, being damn near lifted off the ground with each thrust. For the first time I stopped being shocked and realized that Finnick was just as naked as the men around him. Not only that but that he had a firm grasp on himself. He was hard. Stroking, moving like the rest of them. I didn't know much about men and surely not a lot about fucking...but that seemed off to me. Finnick moaned lightly and whispered yes, his eyes in mine all the while.

"Finnick..." I whispered questioningly and my voice hitched, betraying my sadness. For a second I saw it in his face and he mouthed something that looked like "don't watch."

As if I had a choice.

"I'm sick of this sweet romantic shit. Let me have a turn."

The gruff voice called out from behind him and just like that the man that was violating Finnick was pulled back by the shoulder. The moment of real that Finn and I just had was wiped away and he was tugged back out of my grasp. My hands reached for him futilely as two men threw him to the ground. Hard. Head first.

"No!" I yelled and no one listened. No one except maybe Mags, who was once again behind me and pulling me away.

I didn't want to watch. I wanted to obey Finnick's off command. But I was frozen in a state of shock or panic. Suddenly the men descended on him like some nightmare. One was behind him. One on top of him. One was tugging his head to the side and forcing himself into his mouth, choking him. Soon there was so much movement, noise and commotion I could hardly tell where one body started and another ended. It was a tangle of mess and sweat and semen. And Finnick.

Who never made one sound.

It felt like it lasted for days. I stood frozen with Mags beside me, shaking. Terrified, the both of us.

Suddenly the classical music swelled and then abruptly stopped with a loud bell that sounded four times. No sooner had the first gong chimed did the mutts all flee. By the time the fourth bell sounded they had all pulled from Finnick and exited the room without so much as a word. Not a glance, a chortle or an acknowledgment. We watched them scatter, afraid that we should be running from whatever had scared them off but planted firmly in the ground.

I felt Mags leave my side swiftly and my eyes followed her.

Finnick.

He had lurched to his side and was huddled in a fetal position. His body was wasted. Covered in the ooze and slime of god knows what, bleeding and broken. And no longer silent.

He wept. So silently that I almost missed it. His shaky hands rose to his face and his knees tucked in protecting his most modest parts. Mags was immediately behind him. Her hands on his shoulders and through his hair, she wept openly. He turned to her and she scooped his suddenly frail looking frame into her arms and helped him to his feet.

"Gah, Mags! No." He screamed as he tried to stand straight with her help and I saw that he was dripping blood.

"What can I do?" I whispered without thinking and without moving. I was lost. And my eyes were tearing at the site of him.

"Don't watch." He hissed again through gritted teeth as Mags helped him hobble out of the room and into an attached washroom. I crumbled to the floor.

I eavesdropped. I heard the start of a bath. He screamed and she hushed him. He screamed louder and she hushed him still. It seemed to go on and on.

After awhile Mags reappeared. I stood in her presence and watched the door for Finnick. She slowly approached me, her tear stained face tired and sad. She touched my heart and patted my chest before slipping down the hallway. I watched her leave, more confused than ever.

"Ahhhh, still here I see."

Finnick's voice was smooth and buttery. His flirtatious drawl in full effect as I turned to him. He was wrapped in a robe with what appeared to be nothing underneath. But that wasn't what shocked me.

His body was pristine. No cuts, no blood. No evidence. I looked back at the couch and then again at him. I must have done this a few times because he chuckled at my expense.

"It's quite amazing what a little bath can do."

He strode past the couch and his demeanor changed momentarily. He bristled. But shook it off and walked across the room to another chair.

"Finnick...I...I'm so..."

"Don't be sorry for me, Girl On Fire. The last thing I need in this world is your pity."

His voice was stern and shut me down in my tracks. I really did not know what else to say. I could tell he sensed it. He inhaled deeply.

"After I won in the arena Snow gave me a choice. I could continue to live in this glamorous world and be sold off to the highest bidder. Night after night...day after day...person after person..."

I stupidly interrupted.

"Or what," I asked naively, "go back and be a poor fisherman."

He frowned. And stood.

"Or lose everything I love."

I watched him in silence for a moment and he stepped towards me.

"I called his bluff. My first night on this job, if you can call it that, I was in this very room. Snow wanted to be my first. And when I said no, he brought my brother in and cut his hand off. And when I cried, the other one."

Finnick was in my face and all business. I had no idea. And I had no response. I gulped audibly and hoped some words would come.

"I...misjudged you."

I whispered because that was all I could muster as a single tear escaped me. I thought of the horrible things I had thought about this man. The things I had heard say. How people called him a whore. I thought of what I would do to keep harm from coming to Prim. I had no idea what he had been through. An apology would never cover the harshness I had showed him. How could I not have known.

"Everyone misjudges me. Don't beat yourself up." It was as if he had read my mind.

"Why am I here, Finnick..." I asked him although in the back of my mind I was already formulating an answer that had me preemptively paralyzed.

Finnick turned and walked away from me as if the words wouldn't come. It he didn't want to say them.

"It's ok, Mr. Odair. I'll help her understand." I knew the icy tone from behind me, and every hair on my body stood up. I turned in sync with Finnick to face him. The architect of this nightmare.

President Snow.


	3. Chapter 3

How stupid we must have looked, the two of us. Standing there slack jawed staring at him, hanging on his every word.

Right where he wanted us.

He grinned and sipped from whatever drink he was sloshing around in a glass, and stood just too close to me. He reached and pushed a tendril of my hair off of my bare shoulder and I shuddered.

"Lovely as always, Miss Everdeen, and wondering, I'm sure, why you're here."

I didn't speak at first. Then it escaped me.

"How could you..."

"Katniss..." Finnick interrupted me and was swiftly at my side, tucking his hand under my arm and probably saving me from myself. He turned me and while we had our backs to Snow he whispered almost inaudibly...

"Please, play along. Just try to trust me. Please."

I stared at Finnick and allowed a slight nod, not at all sure what I was actually agreeing to. I heard Snow's footsteps behind us and stood a little taller, determined to follow Finnick's lead and fake self confidence. Finnick took my hand and gently sat me on the couch. He turned to face Snow but didn't sit.

President Snow cocked his head and smiled as he drank in the vision of us. He inhaled deeply and closed his eyes. He began speaking even before opening them.

"Not since Mr. Odair has a tribute or victor so captured the hearts of the people of this Capitol. You are truly remarkable, Katniss Everdeen."

The tone of his seeming compliment quickly turned sinister.

"But let's not forget that I made you. You are Capitol property. And you need to earn the things that you have recieved. Look at you. Covered from head to toe in finery, skin glistening, hair and makeup perfect. This is part of who you are now. And who you are now...is mine."

Snow stepped towards me until his feet were between my shoes and he used his legs to push my knees open. I glanced up at Finnick who remained stoic and didn't so much as give me a side eye. Snow continued.

"Finnick has become one of my most prized possessions. Do you know a lovely old lady of the Capitol here once paid two million dollars just to look at him naked, and make him dinner? Just imagine what your sweet, young flesh would bring..."

Snow moved again, using his knee to force my legs apart until I was uncomfortable and squirming. The material of my black gown trapping my legs. I gasped and recoiled. He laughed.

"I brought you here tonight so that Finnick could show you just how bad it could be. Now you never have to wonder. You've seen the worst of it. And as a reward to my sweet boy..." Snow ran his finger across Finnick's torso and lazily undid the knot in his robe. It hung open and I tried not to look.

"I'll let him show you the best it can be, too."

Snow stepped back and sat across the room. He opened his legs and let them drape open as he unbuttoned his long coat. He waved a finger to Finnick who seemed to know exactly what to do. He let his robe fall from his shoulders and to the floor. His perfect body was left completely exposed and he stood tall and proud of it. I tried not to stare as I saw his cock start to grow slowly. I wondered if it wasn't the feel of my gaze on him. He turned to me and took my hand, pulling me to standing.

"Undress her." Snow's voice was husky and dewy with arousal, and Finn wasted no time. He spun me slowly and unzipped my dress. I think I whispered his name but I'm not sure. I was afraid. He asked me to trust him, but what difference does trust make at this point.

I felt his hands on the small of my back as they pushed the fabric of my dress over my hips. I was embarrassed that I had nothing on underneath. Hell, it was so tight nothing would fit under it. Finnick let his hands rest squarely on my hips. His hands were gentle.

I wanted to yell. To run. To hit Snow so hard he'd fall unconscious long enough for us to hide somewhere safe. But I was trying to play along. The image of Finnick's brother losing his hands burning through my mind.

My body shuddered and I felt Finn try to steady me with his hands. It almost helped. He turned me a little and sat me on the couch before dropping to his knees before me and gently pushing my knees apart.

"Talk to her, Mr. Odair. Show her how good it can be."

Finnick choked on a breath before pushing my knees an inch further and I felt myself open completely in front of him. I watched his face as his eyes travelled over me.

"So wet already, Girl On Fire. You want me inside of you...I can smell it."

Finnick lowered his head and I felt his breath, hot on my thighs. I was embarrassed. He was right. I could feel the moisture seeping from me as his mouth dropped onto my skin. He kissed me gently just above my opening and for a second I saw stars. It was all at once a burn and a tickle and a release and a pulling.

"Ahhhhhhhhh..." I moaned against my will. I felt his lips curl into a smile. His deep sea eyes opened and looked up at me. I bit my lip as I watched him let his tongue slip between his lips and dip inside of me. I arched instinctively. Suddenly his tongue was deep in my center and lips were crushing against my folds. I felt my hips roll into his mouth. I hummed lowly and tried to focus.

Finnick.

Finnick.

Finnick.

He pulled his face back for a moment and I could see his lips were slick from by body. It made my whole core burn hotter. He turned to face Snow.

"How does she taste, boy?"

The back of my mind tried to focus on the fact that Snow was taking Finnick's word and not asking to taste me himself. I don't think I could stomach that.

"Perfect." Finnick purred at him, turning his body from mine and waiting for a command. Snow lifted his eyes from Finnick's to my own.

"How many men have you let inside you, Ms. Everdeen?"

A loaded question at best with no real good way to answer. So I tried the truth.

"None."

As soon as I said it Snow reared his head back, inhaled and chuckled. Finnick turned to face me, surprise covering his countenance. None? He mouthed to me.

"You're right, dear Finnick, this IS perfect."

Finn stood up, his body directly between Snow and myself.

"Maybe this isn't the right way. Maybe a more private..."

Finn was filibustering. Trying to buy me time, come up with an excuse. But from the way Snow was massaging his growing crotch, I knew not even Finnick Odair could turn this tide.

"Do you not want to be inside her, Finnick? Perhaps I should..."

I was afraid of how that sentence might end. But luckily Finnick stopped that from happening.

"No. Sir. I mean. Yes. Yes, I want to be inside of her."

"Tell her then."

Finnick spins to me and steps in. I want to close my legs but it still feels so good and they are tired. Finnick leans into me, hanging fluidly over me.

"I want to be inside you, Katniss."

His eyes are dark and assertive. I try to tell myself he has no choice. I feel his hand on my thigh, pressing it down before trailing between my legs. I'm wet. Too wet. It belies how I feel. Soon his fingers are circling my and painting that wetness all around my body. And then without warning they are pushing inside of me. I gasp and grab his forearms as he hushes me. His two (I think) fingers make short work of making me weep and buck. He is moving with speed and force now and every time his fingers are buried I want to cry out. I'm lost in the feeling of his hand in me. So much so that I don't notice how hard he's become and how fast he's breathing.

I let my eyes settle on his cock. It's big. It hangs inches over me patiently. He twists and curls his hand as he pumps his fingers and I can immediately tell that years of experience have made him quite good at what he does.

"That's enough of that, Finnick. " Snow orders him and he pulls his hand from me. I suddenly feel empty without him.

"Take her, boy."

Finnick lets his eyes meet mine as he positions himself over me.

I look at him, lost for a moment. Wondering how, in a different circumstance, this could be wonderful. I let a tear betray me and fall from my eye. It rattles him and he shakes, standing up.

"I can't."

Finnick's voice is weak and apologetic. I watched him get gang raped by giant mutts without a complaint and now he can't?

Snow stiffens and sits up. He sits his drink down and turns dark eyes on Finnick.

"I'd be careful, whore. I'd hate to have to kill your old lady friend and have you watch her bleed out in front of you while I fuck Ms. Everdeen. Choice wisely."

Finnick drops his head and lets it hang.

"I'm sorry. Forgive me"

He mutters like a scorned school boy and Snow smiles briefly. Finnick turns back to me and mouths...I'm so sorry...as he positions himself to enter me.

"It's ok, Finnick." I whisper to him and fake a smile. Knowing that this is all at once something neither of us want and maybe something we always wanted.

And just like that, Finnick Odair is deep inside of me.

I cry out as he plows himself deep into my core. He grunts and pushes deep as if he is trying to see if there is a place he hasn't touched yet. I hear him whisper my name as he starts to move. Tears are coming freely from me now and I'm not sure why. I grab his arms as he humps me faster. I'm watching his face contort and I feel him growing in my belly. I don't know how long we maintain that before I notice Snow standing next to us.

"Good. Good...so good. Harder."

His lust filled voice is commanding Finnick, who obeys and starts punishing me with heavy, deep thrusts that start to burn and tear. He's moaning now and panting for breath. I try to focus on higs face, occasionally glancing down to watch him disappear and reappear inside me.

I close my eyes momentarily and a slide show flickers before me: meeting Finnick, meeting Mags, Prim, Peeta, Finnick's torture, Finnick with...Annie. God, does she know? What he does to keep her alive? My eyes spring open and I notice Finnick is staring at me.

"Are you alright?" He asks sincerely. I know he is caught.

"Of course she's alright. Probably too alright. Make it hurt for her, Odair, see how strong she is."

Finnick swallows.

"Scream my name..." He hisses at me through clenched teeth. And suddenly he is holding my legs apart and fucking into me with rage that threatens to break me in more ways than one. And I do scream. Not his name at first, just sound. And then I scream his name. It's a half plea.

Without warning, Snow's hand is on me. Rubbing and twisting at the flesh around my opening even as Finnick is tearing into it. It's a gutteral sensation I cannot deny. I moan and shake.

"Enjoy it, Girl On Fire. Feel me come inside you, and then come...just for me."

Finnick is speaking between jagged breaths and I want the things he says in spite of myself.

Snow is still teasing me. Alternating between rubbing my most sensitive places and touching Finnick as he enters me. I watch him pull his hand back and admire it.

"Ahhhhhhh good. You've made her bleed Odair." He enjoys it too much as he rubs his fingers together, mixing my blood and juices on his fingers.

I feel Finnick tighten and brace and I have read enough to know what is coming. He thrusts into me all at once, crying out quietly as I feel myself get warmer. The heat of him fills me and as he continues to move I feel it run out of me, too. I can't control what happens next.

I'm shaking. I'm crying. I'm babbling nonsense. I twist from side to side as I feel my body tighten around him. He studies my face and smiles.

"Yes. Enjoy this. Remember this."

I come to and I've soaked him. Whatever happened to my body has rendered me limp and crying. Not a bad cry, but not necessarily a good one either.

Snow licks his fingers as he walks from us.

"You'll take care of her tonight, Finnick. Tomorrow you'll continue her training."

I feel Finn slowly slip from me as he answers, "yes, President Snow."

We hear a door close and Finn has me in his arms, just like that.

"I'm sorry" he utters, but I can't find the words.

He's scooping me up in his arms and I cry out. Fuck, it did hurt. He's still naked as he carries me to a tub that's as deep as I am tall and filled with sparkling blue water. He hands me a vial.

"Drink it. It'll dull the pain."

I don't need to hear that twice. I down the foul liquid and almost immediately the sting in my groin is gone leaving only a dull ache. Finn eases me into the water and I hiss at the heat before letting him drop me in. My breasts float and for a moment I feel weightless and almost...free. But I realize that I will never be free again.

Finnick is struggling to look at me. I wonder why. I wonder if I want to know why.

"I'll leave you to it then," he half whispers and he walks towards the door, wrapping himself in a towel.

"Finnick?"

I call to him just before he slips from my sight.

"I'm glad it was you."

I try to smile and disarm him. He doesn't reciprocate, but answers cooly.

"I'm not."


	4. Chapter 4

I soaked in the deep water and listened for any noises coming from Finnick in the great room. But soon the heat and tingling was over taking me and my body was pleasantly numbed. This was no ordinary bath.

It felt like hours had passed when I finally managed to drag myself out of the water. There was a white towel and robe slung over a brass hook so she helped herself, assuming it was mine.

I padded lightly into the main room and noticed the lights had been dimmed. Everything was still. Little light, no sound and only the sweet smell of my just washed skin filled the cool air.

Had he left? For some reason the idea of being alone was extremely unsettling. I walked faster down the long hallway until she saw a thin beam of light slipping past a cracked open door. I approached it with caution. If this day has taught me anything, it was that you never know what might be around the corner.

I peeked through the crack, pushing it only slightly to look in. A dimly lit suite with only the finest appointments. Everything was deep purple and gold and sleek. Including the giant bed that sat squarely in the middle of the room.

I squinted and made out Finnick's form beneath the sheets. His bare chest peeked out from above the blankets and he was propped up...writing something possibly. But I couldn't see. I watched him for a moment too long and he noticed. He looked up from his notebook and cocked an eyebrow in my direction as he closed it.

"Feel better?" He asked smoothly, sitting up further as he did. I stepped into the room and towards the bed, shrugging a silent yes...maybe...not really...

He watched me quizzically as I rounded the bed on the opposite side. His eyebrow arched again.

"Did I do something...wrong?" I asked, full of school girl vulnerability. I played with my robe suddenly feeling exposed and unsure...a feeling that never set well with me. He smiled a half smile...obviously as tired as I was.

"Something wrong? No, of course not."

I sighed in contentment and sat in the bed. He still stared at me.

"What?"

I asked him more forcefully and he chuckled.

"Nothing, Girl On Fire, just that there are about twenty bedrooms in this hallway. I'm wondering why you think you'll be sleeping in the only one that's already occupied..."

I didn't know what to say, but I felt myself shrinking in my own skin and mortified for assuming that I was supposed to. I stumbled over my words and then my feet as I rose from the bed and muttered, "oh...right...god, I'm...sorry...yeah...night..."

The words were falling out of my mouth as I damn near tripped out of his bedroom. A world class fucking idiot. I had made it back to the door before he spoke.

"Katniss...I didn't mean..."

He stopped. I didn't know why. Just like I didn't know why my eyes were suddenly filled with tears and coming on faster than I could blink them away. And before I knew it I was bawling with my back to him. As if all the emotions of five years had come to the surface and I was too weak to stop them. And I certainly couldn't turn to face him and fall apart in front of him even as he said my name again and this time...he was closer to me.

My shoulders shook violently and I looked down at the floor and noticed my tears hitting the hard wood of the floor. His hands were around my arms. Gently, stilling my convulsions. I fought him slightly as he tried to turn me towards him.

"Hey," he managed, "I didn't mean it like that...I mean...I didn't mean you can't stay."

I wiped a few tears back and cleared my throat trying to maintain level playing ground and not let him feel like I was as worthless as I was feeling myself. I stood straight and turned to him, but found myself unable to speak when I saw the concern on his face. It was a stark contrast to the lustful, snarling, deviant face that was stuck somewhere in the recesses of my mind now. We studied each other for a long while. I wondered if he thought like I did...if he thought we would ever wind up here. Together. Trapped as pawns in some game neither of us signed up for.

"I didn't think you'd want to stay here..."

He finally whispered, his voice thick with resentment and almost sadness...or embarrassment. He looked away from me.

"Well I sure as hell am not here to cuddle, Odair, I just didn't want to be alone."

He glanced back and me and we both shared a quiet laugh.

"There's that fiery girl I know." He reached up and wiped my cheek, and just like that he snapped back to.

"Bed's plenty big for both of us...and an army of other people if you care to call some friends." He made light of the fact that the bed was, in fact, giant. He swaggered as he walked and I couldn't help but look at him different now. Hero...victim...mentor...a million things went through my mind.

I followed him slowly and rounded the opposite side of the bed. He eased in...dripping confidence and assurance in loose white drawstring pants. I suddenly realized I was in a robe and nothing else so I paused at the side of the bed. He took note and smirked. Finnick rolled to the outside of the bed. His back to me.

"I won't look." He promised as he pulled the covers up to his chest. I slowly took my robe off and instinctively covered myself. Not from Finnick but from whatever the hell else may be lurking. I flicked the light and crept quickly into bed, sinking into the deep cushion and covered in a heavy feather duvet that felt like heaven even in the midst of everything else.

We rested there bathed in the moonlight and I was lost in the thoughts of the day. What a day it had been. I thought about Haymitch. He knew. But for how long? And how long had Finnick known they'd be bringing me here and dooming me to this lifestyle? Who else knew? It was all too much. I felt the overwhelming sadness and fear coming again. I pulled the covers in tighter but it wasn't enough.

"Finnick..." I whispered, not sure if I wanted to wake him or not. A moment passed.

"I'm here" he whispered back in a groggy voice. I swallowed hard for a minute and almost winced as I asked for him.

"Will you...come here..."

We were both still for a spell and then I felt him shifting in the sheets and crawling towards me.

"Katniss Everdeen are you asking me to...cuddle you?"

I could hear the smile in his voice without seeing it.

"Don't be a jerk, Finnick, just do it."

And just like that his body was behind mine, knees scooped up into mine, arm slung around my waist, his breath in my hair as he rested his face in my neck. I cooed and closed my eyes, feeling an immediate rush of safety, despite everything.

It didn't last.

The silence of our room and the echoey hallways bellowed with a harrowing scream that was like nothing I had ever heard. We both jolted straight up from bed, Finnick to his feet before I was even aware of how he got to them. I stumbled for my robe, terrified as I heard it again.

A deep and painful scream that seemed to last for minutes and as I listened my heart and everything in me began to sink and burn and freeze all at once. I raced to the doorway as I dressed clumsily, Finnick on my heels. I felt sick as I shouted through the halls.

"Peeta!"


	5. Chapter 5

No no no no no.

Why was he here. What was wrong. What was I missing. I was flurrying through the hallway trying to follow the direction of his screams. Suddenly Finnick grabbed my arm and yanked me...hard...into a small dark room we had passed.

"Finnick! I need to..."

He pressed his hand over my mouth and silenced me forcefully, watching the hallway before he spoke again.

"Listen to me Katniss. Listen to me very carefully."

His sea green eyes danced between mine and I knew he meant business.

"You have to do exactly as I say. You have to do exactly as Snow says. And you can't say a word about why you're really here or what is going on. This is a show. And if you want to survive...if you want Peeta to survive...you have to play your part. Perfectly. Do you understand what I'm saying to you."

I stared at him wide-eyed. My mouth still covered. I blinked hard.

"Do you fucking understand me?!"

He hissed and I realized that Finnick probably had just as much as I did riding on my...performance. I nodded slowly and he lowered his hand.

He exited the room first and hung a right like he knew exactly where he was going. We made it to what looked like a kitchen. Finnick pressed himself against the wall just outside the door and looked around, for what I'm not sure. I followed him. Trying to feel an ounce of courage. We both perked up at Snow's voice.

"You'll tell me where she is...or I'll burn the other one..."

I looked at Finnick. Puzzled. Again.

"I have no idea where Katniss is..." A winded and weak Peeta pleaded. Where I was?! Snow knew exactly where I was. What kind of a fucked up game was this?! I went to move and Finnick stopped me, lowering his head and resigning himself to something. He straightened and then took my hand.

"President Snow." He cleared his throat as he entered the room and pulled me in tow.

"Katniss..." Peeta sounded relieved as Snow released him. The two peacekeepers flanking him dropped Peeta to his knees and I realized they had been holding his hand over the flame of the stove. It was blistered and raw as he nursed it and cradled it, staring at me all the while. Snow stepped towards me, an inky glare of a smile on his face as he rubbed his beard.

"Well, well, Mr. Odair I thought we had agreed you would alert me when you brought a client into this living quarter. Especially one as fine as this one. It seems there has been a rebellion disruption in the Capitol that was rather unpleasant, and these peacekeepers here got word that Miss Everdeen may have had something to do with it."

My stomach turned and Finnick squeezed my hand. Hard. He chuckled and then turned to me, stroking my hair.

"I can assure you, sir, she's been here all night...all...night."

As Finnick answered Snow's made up inquiry and repeated his words slowly and seductively, he turned to me and put a hand into my robe, moving it to my hip under the fabric and pulling me towards him. He punctuated his sentence by pressing his mouth to mine. In spite of what we had done earlier, he had never kissed me. So I was stunned for a moment then remembered his words. I kissed him back. His lips were almost warm enough to make me forget anything else.

"Katniss?..." Peeta whispered to me and I looked down to him as Finnick pulled his lips but not his hand from me. His eyes were full of sadness and confusion. They questioned me silently and pleaded for an answer I couldn't give him. Finnick pinched my hip. I winced and then forced a smile.

"What? You didn't really think I had feelings for you, boy. Don't act so surprised."

I spit my words as him to get them out of my mouth as fast as I could. The bile in my throat was enough to make me ill. I watched the words settle on Peeta as he crumbled, then looked to Snow who reveled so deeply in my false revelation that he almost laughed.

"Take him away." Snow ordered and the peace keepers drug a wounded Peeta to his feet. He tried to free himself as they pulled him away towards another exit. Finally, he did pop free...still nursing his hand as Finnick pulled me close to his side and kissed my cheek. I silently cursed him for making this any harder than it had to be.

"No," Peeta shouted to me and I saw Snow motion to his guards to stand back and let him speak. Of course. He wouldn't want to miss the show. "You love me, real or not real?"

The air was thick and dead silent. I stared at him and worked hard not to cry. It seemed o last forever. I did love him, I'd always love him. But that meant hurting him.

"Real or not real!?" He shouted again, heartbreakingly. I inhaled deeply and responded with a shaky but believable...

"Not real. Never...real."

I turned from him. I had to. All of them. And Finnick let me. I stopped at the door before leaving when I heard Peeta's voice again.

"You whore."

His words fell on my body like daggers and weights all at once. I felt in that instant when I knew Finnick had felt since winning in the arena at 14: shame. I wanted to turn and tell him that I was protecting him...and a dozen other people. That Finnick and I were trapped. Pawns. Property. I hoped somehow he would just know.

"Get him out of here." I heard Finnick whisper. His voice as shaky as mine had been.

The peacekeepers drug him away and I turned to make myself watch him disappear, my heart torn in two. Once he slipped from my sight I let an audible gasp escape my lips. I heaved slightly as I watched Snow approach Finnick.

"You're training is going well, I see. She passed her first test. You'll both be rewarded. Please...sleep well."

Snow turned heel and followed out the same door as Finnick turned to me. I spun around and started back down the hall, needing to find a safe place to cry. I heard Finnick coming behind me, his pace quickening.

"Katniss, wait...I'm sorry...I told you."

"Shut up." I interrupted him.

"Please..."

Finnick tried to make me talk but I wouldn't do that. Not on his terms. Then I stopped in my tracks and turned on him.

"Why would you do that? Why would he do that? We are supposed to be protecting the people I love and yet he makes me break the heart of the person I love the most? I think I might have chosen losing a hand if it meant he didn't think I was a stupid fucking Capitol whore like you."

The words flew past my lips before I could stop them and I immediately regretted them. I bit my lip and hung my head. I wanted to apologize but the words wouldn't come.

"I'm...I didn't mean that..."

Finnick laughed it off, but recoiled from me none the less.

"Oh I'm used to it, kitten."

He was flippant. It unnerved me.

"Don't call me that."

"Why? Does Peeta call you that?"

Suddenly we were aggressive and cold.

"Don't say his name. You have no right...what if I insult your precious Annie. What then? Did Snow make you break her, too?"

I remembered the times Finnick would talk about "his Annie" and suddenly the memories were annoying and not sweet as they once were. And no sooner had I mentioned her to him did he charge at me. Pressing me against the wall. Hard.

"Be glad you got to see him. I haven't seen Annie since the first time Snow auctioned me off the highest bidder while she watched. I don't know if she's alive. I don't know what he's done to her. And YOU don't have any idea what you are up against."

He released me and set off down the hall, turning into the bed we had only recently shared (awkward as it may have been...) but this time he slammed the door shut behind him. So hard it rattled the walls. I tried to understand how hard this was on Finnick but in those moments I was selfish. And confused.

I leaned against the wall and slid down it til I was sitting...and wept silently into my hands in the hallway of my new prison.


	6. Chapter 6

My arms were being rustled and I startled awake. I was in a pile of bathrobe in a still dark hallway. It was Mags. She was hanging over me, concern painted on her face, trying to wake me. I stirred rapidly trying to collect my thoughts and also wondering how long I had been asleep on the floor in the hallway. With her help, I rose to my feet and patted her arm to giver her a silent thank you.

The events of the night before were flooding back and I glanced down the hall to Finnick's still closed door. Mags followed my glance and then took my chin in her hand to turn my head from that direction. She smiled at me gently. There was something calming about her...in the midst of the hate filled world we were all stuck in, she seemed resigned and peaceful. That must be what Finnick was drawn to. Why she was here.

She walked me to a room just across the hall from Finnick that had very obviously been prepared for me. It was warm, there were closets of clothes, a turned down bed, a private bath surrounded by windows just past the bed. Mags guided me inside and then quietly turned to leave.

"Thank you." I murmured to her. She just smiled and stayed mute as ever before crossing the hall and knocking on Finnick's door as she slipped into it and closed it behind her. It was still dark so I crashed into the bed and tried to find more sleep before the sun came out and brought it whatever terrors the next day would bring. I had fitful periods of rest but mostly my head was ablaze. I didn't see an end in sight for that.

I was mostly awake as the sun came up, so I lazily picked myself up and thumbed through the clothes I found in the closet. All black and grey. Fitting. I slipped into black pants and a matching tshirt and, still barefoot, enter eat the hallway. I heard commotion in the kitchen, and possibly the smell of food, but I was focused on Finnick's door. I owed him an apology. I of all people now knew that Finnick was no whore, at least not by his own choosing like everyone assumed, and I could only imagine how it hurt him to be called one.

I knocked on the door and waited silently but there was no answer. I decided I was going in anyway. I slowly moved the door open and saw his perfectly made and empty bed. I scanned the large room for a sign of him and finally found him sitting on a couch again writing diligently in a notebook. I cleared my throat to gain his attention. He looked up at me and, closing his notebook, set it down. Finnick leaned back and crossed his leg.

"Sleep well?" He asked, his voice much colder and firmer than it had been.

"I didn't sleep much. Finnick, I owe you..."

"You don't owe me anything." He interrupted me. And then stared at me after he stopped me in my tracks. I didn't know what else to say...that was all I had come for really. He unfolded his leg and hunched over, elbows on knees.

"So let's have it, Katniss. I'm supposed to be your new mentor after all, and I'm sure your head has been filled to bursting with questions about what is going on. So let me help enlighten you."

His coolness was making me uneasy. I moved closer to his chair but didn't sit down.

"Ok. So let me get this straight. After you became a victor, Snow forced you into this...slavery...and you have to keep doing it to protect your family..."

"You're a quick study." He almost sneered.

"...and now he plans to do the same to me. So I can only assume that I'll have to do these things to keep my family safe from him."

"That's the gist of it. Yes."

"Does he take the money you make?"

Finnick laughed and reclined, extending his arms across the back of the couch.

"I told you, Girl On Fire, I don't make money...I take secrets. Information. Snow would never give me a penny of what those people pay at auction...he feels his protection of my family is payment enough."

I take his words in slowly and carefully just as he speaks them.

"And is it forever? Do you do this forever?"

I'm asking because in the back of my mind I'm wondering how long I'll have to bare it.

"I do it until he decides he is done with me. Or I stop fetching millions of dollars for him. Or I'm too old to keep up."

A harrowing thought.

"And what then?" I ask, afraid of the answer. He sighs and shrinks slightly.

"I don't know. I hope I get to go back home to my family. My boat..."

"Annie," I finish for him and he closes his eyes as if her name is painful. He is silent so I continue, "you said you haven't seen her since your first auction. Why is that? If Snow is supposed to be protecting her?"

His eyes open and he is gritting his teeth as he responds.

"He made her watch that first auction. Well aware of what I was being sent off to do. I told her it was my choice. That I wanted to stay at the Capitol. I didn't want to return to her in District 4. I had no choice. Mags told me that the next day Snow had her arrested and the peacekeepers took her. No one has seen her since."

I felt a lump in my throat. He was willing to die...or worse...for someone he didn't even know was alive. This seemingly callous playboy. I could tell he was unsettled so I tried to let my questions change the subject.

"You said Mags told you. Mags won't speak."

"Can't. Not won't." He stood and walked towards the window turning his back to me before continuing, "when she told me about Annie, I felt betrayed. Lied to. I wanted him to just kill me. So I charged him. Demanded he take me to Annie to prove that she was alive. I begged him to kill me if she wasn't. But of course...he wouldn't be so kind."

He was struggling to get the words out and he stopped, raising a hand to his hair to distract himself. He turned to me and I watched him, confusion covering my face. He breathed deep and continued.

"He brought in Mags and as a punishment for telling me what happened to Annie, he cut out her tongue. She's an avox. Because of me. Because she has always protected me. She's my family and he mutliated her right in front of me."

My eyes were filling with water even as his resisted it. Was there absolutely no end to the madness that Snow would create? I thought about Mags holding me, cradling him, this woman who would volunteer as a tribute to protect someone Finnick loved. Things were making sense. Horrible sense.

"Why is Mags here? Surely...she isn't...I mean, Snow isn't selling her."

Finnick wiped his nose and shook off his emotions.

"Snow knew that if I was going to be a valuable asset to him I would need someone to keep me from going out of my mind. He let me choose. Mags. Or Annie."

Whoa. My pulse was racing as I tried to imagine such a choice.

"Mags had just been tortured on my behalf. Everything she has done for me. My whole life. I couldn't send her away and risk something worse happening to her because of me. I had to make myself believe that wherever Annie was...she was safe enough. And I didn't want her to have to see...this."

I was trying to process all the information he was giving me. While I appreciated his candor as I damn near interviewed him...the grim portrait of his life was heartbreaking. And it was about to become my life.

"You've been alone with Snow. Why not kill him, Finnick. You could kill him. Easily. Why not just end this."

I knew it wasn't a viable option but at the time I was so angry it seemed completely doable. Is kill him if I had half a chance.

"He's the only one who knows where she is, Katniss. Until I get enough information to find her...I need him."

His secrets. Of course. I watched his eyes and something behind them seemed to make sense.

"I don't want this for you. I don't want this for anyone. But you can make the most of it, like I do, and we can try to somehow...do something."

His voice was hushed and I knew he was trying to keep it down intentionally.

"You have to survive this. And that's why you're here with me. So I can make sure you do."

We were facing each other. There was a knock that turned our attention and Mags was at the door with an envelope. I wanted to hug her. She handed it to Finnick and he patted her hand respectively.

He opened it and scanned it quickly before giving it to me.

Mr. Odair and Ms. Everdeen

Requested to prep teams by 6:00

8:00 appointment

He whispered as I read.

"Looks like you start tonight. We have a lot of work to do..."

Finnick tilted his head to his right shoulder like he was popping his neck and then he straightened himself like he was preparing for a battle. Maybe he was. He ran his fingers over his taut abdomen and fumbled easily with the drawstring of his pants, loosening them and then letting them slide off his hips and spill to the floor. He stood naked before me and I couldn't help but blush and turn my head aside. He laughingly mocked me. Cocky jerk that he could be, act or not.

"Oh, for God's sake Katniss, it was inside of you last night. You don't have to be afraid to look at it."

I sneered to myself before giving him a side eye and turning to face him, deliberately keeping my eyes on his.

"You'll have to get used to the male anatomy, you'll be seeing quite a bit of it I'm afraid. Of course, they won't all be as impressive as this..."

I reached up and punched his arm and he grinned as he winked at me. Even if his machismo was just a defense mechanism...it still annoyed the shit out of me as much as the day I met him.

"That's my girl, you can't be afraid to touch me. In fact, you might even have to pretend to like it." He stepped to me and took my hand, placing it on his stomach directly below his belly button. We both shuddered just a little. He held it there for a minute before letting go, and I dutifully held it here, going as far as to move my fingers a bit.

"Now, men will ask a lot of you. And it's your job to not only do it but to make them believe that you want to. I've asked that we go together to your first couple engagements. But that won't last forever and you'll need to be prepared."

"Can I just get drunk?"

Finnick stopped in his tracks, once again grabbing my hand and this time pulling it from his skin. All business.

"No. Never." He was piercing me with those eyes again. "You can let people control your body but not your mind. You have to stay in control. You can't risk not thinking clearly. In fact if you are ever offered a drink I'll give you a droplet that you'll use to test it. Understand?"

He was clearly speaking from experience and had dealt with things I probably didn't want to imagine...so I agreed quickly.

"I understand."

He smiled shyly and shifted gears again.

"Save the drinking for after, you'll need it then."

We shared an uneasy laugh before I let my gaze travel down his body and take him in. I was still human after all and Finnick was probably the most attractive example of a male I had seen, so I was naturally curious. And now...that it was just the two of us with no other horrors surrounding us, I felt like I could take a second to take him in. Figuratively, this time. He noticed.

"Have you ever been kissed?" He whispered and my eyes popped back to his.

"Yes." I answered without thinking. But my voice belied the fact that it was a half truth.

"By someone other than your mother..." He cocked that damned charming smile. I swallowed hard.

"Yes, Finnick. By you, last night. Happy?"

He reeled a little. It was true. The kiss that sunk Peeta's fragile heart was in fact my first. I think it made him feel worse than he already did but I couldn't quite tell. Finnick was ticking lots of firsts off of my list.

"Ok then," he spoke, "before last night. Have you ever seen a naked man? Touched one?"

I shook my head 'no' sheepishly. My eyes skipping around, afraid to look him in the eye or anywhere else for that matter. He reached for my hand and gently pulled it toward him. He placed it palm down over his cock. And I immediately felt it start to change. His eyes were on mine when I finally lifted them towards him. He licked his lips subtly and I felt my pulse racing.

"It's ok to enjoy it. More often than not, you will. If you want to."

I wasn't sure I wanted to but I couldn't deny what touching him was doing to my body. I curled my fingers around him, his hand still over mine.

"Do you enjoy it? Are you enjoying this?" I purred at him in a voice that I hardly recognized and I could tell he was pleased.

"Can't you tell?" He was husky and breathing harder than before and as he spoke I felt him twitch his hips into my closing palm. He started to move his hand with mine under it and rock his hips simultaneously. He guided me through the motions and soon I felt the tip of his cock get slick and my hand was gradually getting wet. It excited me.

"Keep moving slowly, and then when you think I can't take much more of that, speed up and we'll go from there."

I did exactly as he said and watched his face for signs of approval. My thighs were getting hot as he spoke and moved, occasionally letting a moan escape his lips. He closed his eyes.

"Do you think about her when you do things like this with other people?" I wasn't sure it was fair to ask but I was done holding back. His eyes flurried open and I felt him soften in my hand almost immediately. I tried to keep my hand on him and he recoiled.

"No. I don't."

He backed from me and stepped into his pants, pulling them up as he walked. I had managed to blow it again and I was at a loss of how to change it. He was all I had now and he was such a messed up puzzle I never knew when I'd be setting him off again.

"Finnick, I'm sorry I just assumed it would make it easier."

He turned to me as he pulled a shirt off a nearby chair and over his head and shoulders.

"You can't confuse the two things, Everdeen. What we do isn't love. It's sex. It's base and primal and physical. I don't love the people I do this with so why would I choose to bring her memory into it. If it helps you to think of your baker friend or whoever you have back home, that's your prerogative. But don't confuse this for love. I didn't fuck you last night because I love you, I fucked you because you're my job."

His voice was cold again. I could hardly keep up. I stuttered, trying to make sense to him.

"I didn't mean it, not like that. I mean Peeta isn't...I don't...I wouldn't. What I'm saying is...how different is it if you're doing those things with someone you love as opposed to someone that's a job?"

He was stepping into shoes as he watched me search for the right words, trying to make sense. He was almost past me and to the door when he finally answered.

"I guess I wouldn't know."

He shuffled past me and down the hall towards the kitchen. I watched him. Poor, wounded Finnick. Was he really as green as I am when this became his lifestTyle? The first time I met him, he dripped sexuality and bravado and now every time I talk to him, I peeled another unexpected layer and exposed more damage.

The 'whore from four' had never been with the woman he loved. Or any of them, for that matter. My heart broke for the both of us. I'd be in the same boat.


	7. Chapter 7

The day drug on horribly long. Knowing what the evening would bring. I tried to read. I sat in the kitchen with Mags for a while. But Finnick was nowhere to be found. I literally paced the halls trying to both kill time and make it stop. I read, I napped, I tried to imagine the eight hundred different ways the night could go. I tried to block out the idea of Finnick's last encounter being my first. I'm fairly sure I wouldn't survive it. Still not sure how he did.

There was a loud chime and by the time I rounded the corner to the hall I saw Mags opening the door for few peace keepers and I knew I was on my way. I passed down the hall like I was walking the plank, watching Mags all the while. She patted my shoulder as I passed.

"Finnick?" I turned to her and asked, suddenly terrified that I may be doing this alone. She smiled and nodded yes as she pointed out the door. I took a deep breath and walked with them, trying to take comfort in the fact that I would at the very least be seeing Cinna again.

It was always like coming home, seeing him. And this time was especially poignant. In fact, when the door opened and I saw him fluffing out a deep wine colored dress and pulling on parts of it to get it ready for me, it was all I could do to not run to him. And once the peace keepers left...that's exactly what I did.

He met me with open arms and wrapped me in his arms as I hid my head in his shoulder and cried softly.

"Shhhh, hey, it's ok." He spoke gently and surreally and I tried to convince myself he was right. I leaned back and looked at him and forced a smile. He wiped my tears.

"You gonna make me try to work with this puffy, red face?" He tried to cheer me up and for his sake I let it work. I could tell he was uneasy and I knew he was well aware of what he was preparing me for.

It was the usual whirlwind of powders and spray and sparkle and shine and a dress that was so form fitting I could hardly breath. Again, I was given nothing to wear under it. And Cinna couldn't make eye contact with me when he and his crew paid special attention to parts of my body he didn't have to focus on as much before. I even tried to joke with him as he dusted my chest with a sweet smelling glitter that almost glowed so much even I couldn't stop staring at it. But he didn't react with anything more than a smirk.

When I was finished he spun to me look in the mirror. My dark makeup and dark gown and long flowing jet black hair made me feel like someone else. Maybe that was the point. Like Finnick said, I needed to be. Cinna walked behind me and gave me a gentle hug from behind.

"Look" he said "we all do what we gotta do to survive. You're gonna be fine. Finnick will see to that."

I turned to him. Puzzled.

"How can we know that? He can't stop this anymore than I can or he would have done it by now."

"True. But I've also seen him risk more than his neck for the people he cares about. And if he didn't care about you...you wouldn't be here right now. True?"

I nodded. He was right. I found a strange peace in the fact that even if this night was hellish, I wouldn't be going through hell alone.

"He's waiting for you downstairs. You've got a few minutes. Take your time."

Cinna slipped out the door, turning to glance at me as he did. I took another look at the whore in the mirror and tried to again convince myself it wasn't me. I wondered if the clothes were a request, part of a packaged deal. I wondered a lot of things.

"You can do this. You will be fine. You will not cry. You'll play your part."

I watched myself speak in the mirror. I knew I'd repeat those words silently throughout the evening.

When I got downstairs and met Finnick I can't deny I was taken aback by him. He was in an equally form fitting suit in the same deep wine color as my dress. We could have been bookends or twins if his copper blonde hair wasn't such a contrast to mine. His skin was just as immaculate. He adjusted the cuff on his shirt as I approached him and when he finally looked up, I can tell he was as taken by my appearance as I was his.

"Always do clean up nice, Ms. Everdeen." Finnick seemed remarkably calm, what with what we were heading out to do. I had to remind myself that he was years ahead of me in experience.

"You're not so bad either, I mean...you don't give them much to work with, but..."

I couldn't help but tease him a little and it lightened the mood. He took my hand and placed it through his elbow leading me out into the street. We were accompanied by a few peacekeepers and didn't walk long before we arrived at a huge manse of a place...letting me know immediately it was someone that had probably paid handily for our "time."

The peacekeepers moved aside as Finnick walked me to the door. He was cool and calm, oozing charm and swagger. I was like a bull in a china shop practically tripping over my ridiculously high heels. He slowed his pace.

"Relax. This will be a piece of cake. Trust me. As far as first times go, you're getting spoiled I assure you."

He winked and approached the door, but before he could even knock the door flung open to reveal a middle aged woman in fine evening wear, hair tucked neatly back and beaming from ear to ear. She was pretty in a tired and worn way. Probably my mother's age. I smiled back and reminded myself of my place.

"Dear boy it's been too long."

Finnick took her hand and kissed it, smiling warmly at her and it seemed so real I almost bought it. How was he this good?

"I've missed you every second."

He oozed that Finnick charm and I had to fight the urge to roll my eyes. She looked at him and her eyes sparkled as she took him in, before she turned and looked at me.

"And I just can not believe that I have the pleasure of THE Katniss Everdeen. Katniss and Finnick. I thank you for the honor of your time."

She smiles at me and I follow Finnick's lead, taking her hand and kissing it before smiling at her. He curls his lips into a grin. I've pleased him.

She steps aside and motions us in. A few of her house Avox bring a tray with drinks.

"I know my Finnick won't drink, but please help yourself Miss Everdeen."

I remember Finnick's warning and pass. She chuckles.

"Ahhhh I see your mentor has trained you well. I won't poison you sweet girl, you are far to precious to me."

Finnick gives me a wink. We follow her into a great dining hall with a huge mahogany table that is absolutely teeming with food and drinks. She sits at the head of the table and her people pull chairs out so that Finnick and I flank her, across from one another. I feel like hours pass as we eat and sit and talk. She asks Finnick to tell stories and I follow her lead in laughing along. I try to be at ease but I keep thinking how different this was then I imagined, certainly nothing like what I had seen done to Finnick.

"Would you excuse me for a moment, seems this wine is going to my head a bit and I need to make sure I stay awake enough to enjoy you."

She steps away from the table, stumbling only slightly, as we watch her go. I let my eyes wander around the room and land on an oversized picture of a boy not much younger than Finnick. The house seems empty but for her so I'm confused by what seems to be a picture of a relative. I'm studying it and Finnick notices.

"Her son."

He answers my unspoken question.

"Is he..." I start in before he interrupts.

"Dead. Yes. I killed him."

It comes out of his mouth so commonplace that I have to stop for a minute and replay it to be sure of what I heard.

"You killed her son?" I hiss at him quietly across the table. He puts his napkin on his plate and adjusts his tie before leaning into me.

"In the games. He was a tribute. We were children. The first time I came here I thought she meant to kill me. I had killed her son, her husband had left...she wound up here in the Capitol after remarrying a man who died shortly after. But she wanted...company. I think I remind her of him."

Finnick glanced at the picture and I detected an obviously real sense of remorse. In fact, I was sure I saw his eyes glaze over a bit.

"She knew I didn't have a choice. Just like I don't now. She forgave me."

He turned his eyes back to me and in one sentence let me know that this woman also seemed to understand our current positions. I poured over the idea of it in my mind and was only shaken from my thoughts by her re-entry to the room.

"What do you say we head to my bedroom?"

My stomach sank. This was all fine and good but it didn't change the fact that I was about to be whored out to a stranger. I doubted I could ever be as callous about it as Finnick Odair seemed to be. We stood from the table and Finnick reached for my hand, leading me up the stairs behind her. I shook. He steadied me.

When we reached her bedroom it was dark and dim. A lofty four post bed that you practically needed a ladder to get into sat squarely in the middle of the room. A chaise lounge sat beside it with another table full of food and drink. She sat there and reclined lazily before grabbing a drink from the table. She had removed her shoes and lounged in a way that the slit of her dress nearly exposed her. Finnick stood still at the end of the bed, hands folded, awaiting his instruction. So I followed his lead.

"Just look at the two of you. Young, beautiful, strong. You should get married and leave this horrible place."

She laughed as she said it but there was a genuine wish behind it. Finnick smiled and glanced at me, for some reason it made me blush.

"Kiss her, Finnick."

Without replying or taking a moment to think about it, my face was in Finnick's hands, his thumbs rolling gently over my cheeks as his eyes bounced back and forth. I felt my cheeks flush as he leaned in and pressed his mouth to mine. His warm and soft lips encouraged me to kiss him back and reciprocate...so I did my best. I let my arms hold the sides of his coat as his tongue tripped over my lips and probed in and out of my mouth slowly. Finally he came up for air and I nearly gasped. He kept his forehead pressed to mine.

"Undress her."

Finnick looked at me knowingly, and there was an apology in his eyes. I inhaled sharply and turned, pulling my hair so I could expose my zipper to him. He gingerly lowered it until my strapless gown slid off my shimmering body. I shivered at the cold air.

"Take your clothes off as well"

The tone of her voice was lower and softer, and I turned to watch Finnick slowly undress. He peeled off his coat and shirt before lazily and languidly stepping out of his pants. We stood naked facing each other. I noticed that Finnick was already hard, and I wasn't the only one.

"Would you look at that, I only hope you have to the stamina to make it last." She spoke slowly, staring at his growing erection.

"What would you like to do to her?" She asked. It made my heart seem to stop. Could he say...I don't know, put her clothes back on and let her take a nap? Instead he turned to the woman and questioned her.

"It's not for me to say. What would you have me to do her?" He tried to turn the tables as if he needed permission to make some of the guilt subside.

She sighed and hummed.

"You know I've never made you pleasure me, Finnick, in all of these years, not so much as a kiss. But I would very much like to see you make love to a woman. And what better woman in Panem than Katniss Everdeen. Would that please you?"

Finnick was trying to mask confusion.

"Would it please you?" He repeated her words to her. She was silent and instead waited for his answer. I wondered myself what it would be...in fact my heart was pounding in my chest so hard I wondered if he could see it. His deep eyes studied mine as if he was planning his next move.

"It would please me very much." He almost whispered.

"Then take her," she ordered politely. I shivered again. Finnick took my hand and lifted me into her bed. I heard her shift on the couch but my eyes were studying Finnick's face now. This wouldn't be bad, after all he had done it to me before under the not-so-pleasant eye of President Snow.

He laid me out on the sheets and climbed easily into me. He knelt before me and used his knees to part my legs. Instinctively I raised my hands over my breasts and he quickly removed them, placing them at my sides. I immediately regretted giving up the act, even for a moment.

He raised his fingers to his mouth and sucked on them surely for a second or two before lowering his hand and swiftly but gently inserting a finger inside me. I moaned as he pushed it deeper and I heard him moan, too. He knelt before me pumping his finger in and out before adding another. My body was so wet I could hear the sounds of my body accepting him over and over and it embarrassed me. He must have sensed it.

"Don't be shy, Katniss."

He smiled down at me, obviously impressed by the affect he was having on me. His voice was making me hotter and wetter and I was losing faith in my own body. I bucked my hips to his hand.

He was lowering his body to mine even as his hand was inside me, and just as soon as he had started, he pulled his fingers from me...leaving me gaping and wanting. I almost forgot we were being watched until I looked over at the couch and saw that clearly our audience was enjoying herself. I tried to make conversation the way I thought Finnick might.

"Won't you share him with me. I feel selfish."

The woman simply nodded a simple no.

"Enjoy him. That's why you're here."

I turned my face back to Finnick as he was placing the tip of his cock against me. My body opened to him in a way I had never felt and I welcomed it. He gently eased into me. Much kinder and slower than he had the night before and I let out a small scream as he was suddenly buried so deep in me that our hips were crashing together. I allowed several small screams.

"Yes. That's it..." Our patron on the couch was breathless and when I glanced at her I noticed her hand had moved into her dress. She was truly getting off on watching us. I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me feel powerful. I pulled my eyes from her and met Finnick's eyes. They were half closed and sultry as his body moved in a perfect wave of rhythm into me. I reached up and held his strong shoulders as he took me, and eventually wrapped my legs around his waist. I didn't want to be, but I was lost in him. Controlled completely.

"Where would you like me to come?" He asked, turning his face to the couch and waiting for his orders.

"Her mouth," she answered without thinking twice. I wondered if he would have been afraid to come inside me if that had been her request.

Finnick slid in and out of me a few more times before one final slick withdraw and he popped out of me. I gaped in his absence. He was kneeling and he pulled my to sitting, positioning himself right in front of my mouth.

"I'm going to come in your mouth. And I want you to swallow it." He ordered me but it was more like advice...as if this was more training to become the pro that he was.

"Yes, Finnick." I forced a response in a voice I barely recognized as my own. He was stroking himself hard and I knew he was going to let go. He grabbed the back of my head and pulled it towards him. I opened my mouth only slightly. He didn't try to put himself in my mouth, just rubbed against my lips, bucking gently until I saw the muscle in his abdomen tighten and felt his hand make a fist in my hair.

"Now..." He muttered as if the words wouldn't come.

His cock twitched violently in his hand and began to seep until it spurt onto my mouth and into my throat. I did my best to swallow like he asked me to, but in all honesty I was struggling not to get sick. I tried to manage what I could but some of him ran down my chin and neck, my chest...there was tons.

Finally Finnick stilled and regained his composure. I wasn't sure what happened next. I laid there, stunned and spent, and soon the woman had approached the bed. She leaned over me and licked the side of my neck when're Finnick's come had spilled. She kissed and licked my chin, face and chest...cleaning me. I closed my eyes. Finnick sat back and watched.

"Would you please excuse us Miss Everdeen?"

Suddenly there were two Avox, one carrying the folded dress I had just left on the floor, the other a large towel.

"They will see to cleaning you up. I have a matter I need to discuss with Mr. Odair."

In a strange turn, I didn't want to leave Finnick with her. I don't know if I didn't want to be alone, or didn't want her touching him, I was afraid of what it was...but I dutifully rose and let her servants take me out of the room.

It feels like hours pass, and although I know we have been paid for the night I can't help feeling suspicious that I am being left alone in a room while Finnick is doing God only knows what. My curiousity gets the best of me and I wander out into the hallway, to the room where I left them. The lights are on and the door is cracked. I stand close enough to hear and far enough to be concealed.

I see Finnick, fully clothed, leaning against the bed. Our host is impossibly close to him and whispering. I can only make part of what they say out clearly.

"Be careful, love. I don't trust this. Snow would never let the two of you have this much power without being up to something. I don't trust it."

She is whispering to him, pleading. I see her quietly sneak a folded piece of paper into his pocket and he taps it there before taking her hand.

"Thank you, for everything. I promise you we will have vengeance. This rebellion is spreading from district to district..."

"Which is all the more reason to be careful. If you were to get caught I'd never forgive myself. If anything happened to her..."

"The people will rally behind her. I'll protect her."

She touches his cheek through this whole exhange.

"I know you will."

She clears her throat and walks to the door. I step back.

"You're welcome to stay the night, but you don't have to.."

She offers to Finnick, and as their voices approach the door I retire to my room. I hear him thank her as he departs her room. And soon enough he's in mine.

"How much did you hear?" He asks with a grin. I look at him innocently as if to deny it. "Oh c'mon Katniss, I know you better. How much did you hear?"

I sit in the edge of the bed, facing him in the dim light.

"The secrets you procure. You're helping the rebellion against Snow. You're the spy. How do you get past the peace keepers? Or Snow? How do you get word out to the districts?"

"It's complicated. But there are people in the Capitol who want to help us. We just have to find them."

I watch him...suddenly in awe of his cunning. I look at his pocket and he knows I saw her give him something.

"The location of some of Snow's closest family."

I raise my eyebrows. That's no small potatoes. He sits next to me and speaks without looking at me.

"Some secrets are very worth my time." He whispers.

Finnick turns to look at me, quiet for a moment.

"Are you...alright...tonight...I didn't want to..."

"I'm alright." I answer quickly before he has to say any more. I'm not sure if want to hear it. He reaches up and tucks a hair behind my ear.

"Good. You did well."

I smile at him. I have a new found resignment to do what I have to do now. Just like he must.

"It won't always be like this, will it?" I ask, knowing the answer. He sighs and hangs his head.

"No. It won't. But we have survived worse."

He places his hand on my knee and leaves it there. I cautiously lean to the side and rest my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes. To my surprise he turns and kisses my forehead gently.

I revel in it before becoming confused by it before reveling again. I don't know what we have gotten ourselves into...but I'm pretty sure there is no getting out of it.


	8. Chapter 8

Morning came on too strong. And as soon as I shifted in the bed I felt pangs of regret about the night before. I was surprisingly sore and spent, and as I went to rise from bed I almost struggled to stand. I was back in my room at our Capitol headquarters and I was there alone. I hardly remembered getting back but clearly somehow I had. I stumbled out into the hallway as I pulled my hair back. No sign of anyone, no sound. I walked to the kitchen and entertained getting something to eat but my stomach was in knots. I felt empty and full at the same time. I don't know what I thought I expected to happen afterwards but I was full on fighting the urge to cry the whole time. I wanted to get sick, I wanted to go back to sleep. I grabbed a tall glass of water and took it with me as I walked back down the hall. The far end with the sitting room was surprisingly dark for this time of morning and I realized as I neared it that the windows were dark from the low lying clouds and impending storm. A perfect match for my mood. I sat on the floor and pulled a blanket around me from the nearby lounge chair. I nursed my water and watched the storm begin to rage outside. It was loud and dark and turbulent and mesmerizing. I found myself silently crying, and convinced myself it was the beauty of the storm and not something darker. But I was lost in it.

Go

"Someday..." Finnick was right behind me speaking by the time I knew he was there, "I want to take you to the ocean. You've never seen a storm until you've seen one rage over an open sea. It's like nothing I can even find the words to explain to you."

He sat beside me and handed me a plate with a giant buttered roll of some kind. His half smile danced as he watched me take it and listening to him talk of the ocean changed his whole character. It was like I was suddenly getting an idea of who he really was. It piqued my curiousity.

"Thank you."

"I know you don't want to but you need to try to eat something." I knew he knew. I had to keep reminding myself that I wasn't feeling anything that was foreign to Finnick. That he really had been there. I wondered if we would talk about the night before. I wondered if he was satisfied with my performance but he mentioned nothing of it. Like it hadn't happened. But it had and it was clouding my emotions. I kept replaying the image of him saying that he wanted me. At a point when he could have said no. I tried to not think too much about it.

"You'll see him again."

I cocked an eyebrow, "I'm sorry...who?"

He furrowed his brow and answered.

"Peeta. You seemed lost in thought here. I didn't mean to interrupt, I just assumed you were thinking of him."

Little he knew. I looked at him and nodded slightly before turning my face to the window once more.

"Peeta knows how to take care of himself."

I meant it just the way I said it. My feelings for Peeta had always been a muddled mess and never more so than at that moment as I cuddled next to Finnick Odair under a blanket and watched it storm. I rested my head on his shoulder and he welcomed it.

"Do you think of her often? Annie?" It upset me that I felt an intense pang of jealousy as I said her name. I had always been jealous of their love. Of love in general. But this was different and it frightened me. He sighed heavily and I braced myself for his answer.

"I do. But a part of me knew Annie wasn't made for this world. I used to think I wasn't either but I adjusted. She couldn't. And I suppose in a way I'm glad because I wouldn't want her to see this. Any of it."

I bristled at his words. They were harsh but matter of fact and I suddenly wondered if he thought less of me because I adapted. I lost myself. I think he read my mind.

"Somedays..." He turned to me and lowered his voice. I lifted my head from his shoulder and watched him speak, "some days I pray that she's alive...but most days I pray that she's already dead."

His deep sea eyes were filling with water and it pooled by his long dark lashes.

"What kind of man does that?"

I studied him. Finnick Odair. Not the flamboyant playboy. Not the cocky District Four victor. An honest fisherman who got lost in the same game I had. This was...real. I wanted to ease even just a fraction of his pain.

"The kind of man who loves selflessly. Don't feel bad about that. And we will find her, Finnick. Alive or dead, we will find her and put a stop to this. All of this."

He blinked hard and a few tears escaped his eyes, he stiffened and sniffled a bit and I saw him trying to reclaim his phony, arrogant posture.

"No. No..." I took his hand.

"Stay with me, don't hide behind this jerk who doesn't let himself feel anything. Stay."

He studied my face and I knew he understood, even if he was as surprised as I was that I was able to formulate it. He inhaled and his posture eased again. His blue eyes seemed to darken slightly, lit only by the murky skies and occasional lightning strike. He lowered his face to mine and gently placed a soft, sweet and chaste kiss on my lips. I closed my eyes and took it in before opening them to see him staring at me.

"I'm sorry...I shouldn't..." He started to apologize but I stopped him by pressing back against him and closing my mouth over his. Our hands found one another and our fingers tangled together as our mouths opened in a gentle but passionate exchange. My breath was hitching. My mind was racing. He squeezed my hands and if I didn't know better I would say he was trembling. He suddenly pulled away from me, lost in his breathing and turned his face toward the window.

"We can't do this, Katniss."

I was confused and bordering on hurt.

"Do what, Finnick?" I think I knew what he meant but I needed him to say it. After all he had kissed me...and then some...the night before.

"Get confused." He was blunt to the point of being brutal. I searched his face for the warm Finnick I had practically just met.

"This is much bigger than you and I, and if I let myself...no. This stops here." And he was on his feet before I could get another word in.

"Finnick, wait..."

I was scrambling to my feet as he mumbled an apology and continued to walk away from me. He was stopped in the hallway by Mags, who handed him an all too familiar folded, embossed envelope. I watched his shoulders sink and Mags put both hands on them before pressing her forehead to his. She mumbled a slurred sentence I knew only he could understand. He turned from her and took a step back in my direction. He held the envelope out towards me, his hand shaking slightly.

"Snow..." He whispered. My heart sank and I fought the urge to run and hide. We would be in the unfortunate company of the president very soon.


	9. Chapter 9

If there was a silver lining to enduring Snow, it was that he seemed to prefer coming to us. Mags spent the day moving about the house with several Avox who showed up to change bed dressings and prepare a meal. Finnick remained in his room, and the one time I dared to pass it and peek in he was busy at work in his notebook again.

The skies were still gloomy and overcast which made evening hard to decipher but as I smelled the aroma of a lavish dinner wafting through the kitchen I knew it must be coming. Peacekeepers came and summoned Finnick and I to the door and I reluctantly left. I studied Finnick's movements, now totally unsure of what his next move would ever be. I'm sure he didn't mean for me to but I saw him discreetly pass his notebook to one of the visiting Avox and she immediately slipped it under her red cape, not so much as looking at him. I guess it was more important than a schoolboy's diary after all.

I arrived at Cinna's and immediately felt like a weight was off my shoulders. Just being out of that place and back with one of the few people I really trusted made me feel a little more human.

He approached me cautiously.

"How did it go?" He asked in a sincere and cautious voice. I just shrugged for a moment before answering.

"It wasn't terrible."

I sat down in his chair and winced a little. He noticed.

"You sure you're alright? They didn't hurt you did they..." His voice turned callous, like a jealous boyfriend who might run out and throat punch someone for me. I smiled at his gesture.

"No no, it was just...it was...just Finn..."

I wasn't sure how many details he would want to hear or I would want to share. He arched his eyebrows and spun me away from him, but I could watch his face in the mirror as he began working on my hair. He was smiling slightly and laughing to himself.

"What the hell is so funny?" I asked, his giggling making me smile, too.

"Finnick Odair..." He wriggled his eyebrows seductively. He had always had a thing for Finnick. He actually bought into that slathered-on charm. I elbowed him and he laughed harder before clearing his throat and getting back to it. It was such a welcome break from the outside world. He pulled my hair back and started on it.

"Let's start by getting rid of this 'just got fucked by Finnick Odair' hair." We shared a laugh at my expense and it felt really, really good.

I was lost in thoughts about Finnick, what the night might hold, trying to fast forward to just being able to go to sleep safe after it was over. Before I knew it I was pressed and pampered and ready. Cinna walked me to the mirror and showed me my brand new reflection. Long black gown with black sleeves, cut so low in the front you could almost see my navel. Black braid over my shoulder, almost-black lips.

"Shit, Cinna, it's not my funeral is it?" He twisted my arms in my hands as I spoke. The comment made him uneasy and me, too, once I realized neither of us really knew. "Do you think he will like it?"

"Which one?" Cinna asked resting his chin on my shoulder and watching me in the mirror with a sly grin. I blushed and looked down.

"Uh huh. I knew it. I knew this was coming."

He walked away from me and I turned to follow him...slowly in my restraining dress and shoes.

"Don't you do that. Knew what was coming?"

He stopped in his tracks and turned to me.

"Feelings. For Finnick. Yes, or no?"

I shook my head slightly. He knew I couldn't lie to him. I looked around the room hoping to find the answer.

"I...I mean yes I do...but it's not like that...it's hard to explain...I don't know..."

I was still tripping over my words as he walked to me and took my head in his hands.

"Shut up, liar," he hushed me and I blushed hotter, "you just be careful with that heart of yours. It's not as strong as the rest of you. And I'd really hate to have to hate him...so do it for me, ok?"

He had this magic way of making something so uncomfortable feel comfortable again. He kissed my forehead and escorted me out.

When I arrived back at our living quarters the door opened and the familiar sound of classical music played. I flashed back to my first night there and felt the same sickness in my gut. I heard my heels click in the hall and my heart pounding against my dress. I needed to see Finnick. To know he was ok.

"You're late." I heard his thick charm from behind me and just like that he snuck to my side and tucked his arm through mine. I sighed a heavy breath of relief.

"You scared me." I whispered to him, eyes still forward.

"I'm sorry." He whispered back and then turned to me slightly and whispered even softer, "whatever happens...we'll be ok."

I wanted so badly to take him at his word. After all, he had shown me how bad it could be. But the more I learned about Snow the less I trusted his boundaries, and the more I wanted to end him.

We entered the dining room and there he sat, in all his immaculate glory. Flanked by his dear peace keepers and a handful of Avox, already eating and drinking. His black suit a compliment to both Finnick's pants and jacket and my dress.

"Ahhhhhh, at last, at last." He murmured as he wiped his mouth with his cloth napkin, "please...do sit."

Finnick pulled out a chair for me and I watched him smile at Snow as he did so.

"Always the gentleman, Mr. Odair." snow sneered at him with fake sincerity.

Finnick sat across from me and tried to be at ease but I was having a much harder time.

"To what do we owe the pleasure of your company this evening, sir?" Finnick asked as folded his hands on the table.

"Oh no the pleasure is mine. All mine, I assure you. Please...eat."

Food was heaped onto our plates and Snow began eating ravenously. I watched Finnick push his food around so I did the same, wondering how long it would be til Snow noticed we weren't eating.

"It's just lovely, really. I mean...I brought Ms. Everdeen here to provide stability in the Capitol, to appease our wealthy supporters, to create revenue. To join you, Finnick, in your highly profitable enterprise...it all seemed perfect really."

He was eating as he spoke so it took three times longer than it needed to, and I could tell it was going somewhere unpleasant I just didn't know where.

"I surely, however, did not bring her here so you two could spend the afternoons gazing lovingly at each other or pretending to have emotions for each other. I'm not a match maker, I'm a dictator. Do I make myself clear?"

Finnick and I both stiffened as his tone changed and he scolded us like school children, punctuating it by slamming fork to his plate. He watched Finnick and I saw him clench his fist hard and bite his lip.

"I'm sorry, sir, I'll do better with my training. You have my word."

Snow watched Finnick and sat silent. My heart pounded. It seemed like an eternity.

"Oh that you will, boy. You will. But I no longer trust you to do it alone. You'll have to prove yourself in very afraid."

His tone was so sinister the hair on the back of my neck stood and I saw Finnick, whose eyes had been lowered, raise them to glance at me for a quick second. I'm not sure which of us was more frightened.

Snow turned to his peacekeepers and whispered, "bring her in."

We both watched him, unsure of his next move. He smiled as he saw us fighting off panic. The two men in white had no sooner left than they reappeared with a girl in a long white dress, lanky and malnourished, barely able to stand as she was held up on either side. A wisp of soft red curl tucked out from under the white bag that was flung loosely over her head. I wasn't sure what was going on but as I heard Finnick push his chair back and nearly pounce to his feet...I realized he did.

It was Annie.

"No," Finnick started...his voice shaky and unsure, "Annie. I'm here."

I heard a tiny voice from under the bag whisper his name and then start to weep. I rose my hand to my mouth and tried to stay quiet. She was alive. But maybe only barely. My heart ached for her and I could only imagine the havoc it was playing on Finnick. I stood to match him as one of the peace keepers pulled the bag from her face.

She fluttered her tear filled eyes until they opened and adjusted and landed on Finnick. I turned to him, and he was frozen...in fear or shock or both, and ignoring back the tears that she couldn't. Her red hair a tangled mess around her innocent, lost face. Snow stood and sat his napkin on his plate.

"Life is very difficult, Finnick. No one knows that more than me. I watched Finnick's hands curl as he rested them on the table to steady himself. I saw his fingers crawling towards his knife just before an Avox swiftly removed it. Snow laughed at him mockingly.

"Don't be so angry with me, boy. In fact you should be thanking me. I'm repaying you for all of your hard work. All of the years of being the property of others. Using your body. Collecting those sweet secrets you think I know nothing about..."

Finnick was crumbling and I was powerless to stop it. I looked around the room, desperate for something or someone to help. Snow continued his verbal assault as he stepped towards Annie and stroked her cheek. She whimpered loudly and Finnick pinched his eyes closed for a long while.

"You see, I'm going to give you a choice. I've paid for your time. But you can choose how to spend it."

My heart was pounding and I felt lightheaded.

"You choose..." snow proposed in an evil sneer, "you can spend tonight with the love of your life, or the girl on fire," as he spoke, Snow grabbed Annie's hair in his fist and yanked her head back. She screamed and then cried out for Finnick to help her.

"The other...is mine tonight." Snow kissed Annie's tear soaked cheek, looking at Finnick all the while. I sunk slowly back into my chair.

This was the kind of gift Snow liked to give, and the enormity of it silenced the room. Annie's eyes were wide, and I couldn't bring myself to look to see what Finnick was doing. I closed my eyes and tried to picture a thunderstorm over the ocean as I heard Annie cry out his name once more.


	10. Chapter 10

I knew what his choice would be. Would have to be. That didn't make it cut any less when I heard him say it. It took him so long to say it that I practically wanted to beg him to just choose and get it over with. But it wasn't until he whispered..

"Annie"

Through gritted teeth as he clenched the side of the table, that I felt like I might pass out. I saw stars, and I felt a tiny needles pressing into my skin and burning and I couldn't catch my breath.

Don't hate him. Don't hate him. Don't hate him.

I tried to ignore my hurt but I couldn't look at him. It hardly mattered because no sooner had he said her name, the peacekeepers flung her at him and he picked her up, flanked by them as they escorted him out of the room. I didn't look up enough to see if he even bothered to look back at me but somehow I knew he hadn't.

I sat stunned. Frozen even. Which played to my advantage because the next couple hours of my life played out like a movie that I was watching from some other place in the room.

The Avox quickly cleared the table and emptied the room, closing the doors behind them. I was staring off in my chair when Snow approached me and rounded my seat to begin rubbing my shoulders. I would have recoiled but I couldn't even move.

"Oooh, dear Katniss. So young. Inexperienced. It's his job...to make women think he has feelings for them. And he's very good at it."

I made a pact with myself in that moment that he was not going to break me. Not physically and sure as hell not mentally. I didn't so much as bat an eye at his comment. I knew what he was trying to do.

"What makes you think I'm not just as good." My voice was low and throaty and expressionless. He ran his fingers over my shoulders.

"Well we will just have to see won't we."

He lifted me to my feet and pushed the chair away from the table. His hands ran down my back and tugged the zipper on my dress down. Tugged. Hard. He pulled the fabric from my shoulders and let it pool around my feet before pushing me down over the table.

Right here? Like this?

His hand was in my hair, pressing my face against the cool wood of the walnut table and I just laid there motionless. I was staring straight ahead and not sure if I even blinked. I heard him undo his belt and I tried to take myself somewhere else. I was silently promising myself not to cry. Not to fight. Not to let him see that he was hurting me. I would not give him that.

I felt him press his bare skin against mine as he lifted my lower body in his hands, shoving me against the table as he forced his way inside of me. I said I wouldn't cry but I bit my tongue so hard I thought it might fall off. No warning and no preparation just a sudden punishing thrust that I felt deep inside my belly. It was a far cry from what I had felt with Finn and it was like he was aiming to tear my body in half.

He tugged at my braid and pulled me up off the table. I remained emotionless as he grew with speed. He disgusted me. I was grateful to not have to look at him. The sounds he was making were making the bile in my stomach rise. There was nothing less than gutteral and disgusting sound. And my gut was starting to ache but I forced my mind to ignore it. Soon he was digging his free hand into my back, his fingers so sharp I was sure they were piercing my skin. I pursed my lips and refused to make sound for him. He was pulling my hair so hard I thought it might come out and his speed only intensified. He was moaning my name and speaking, maybe asking me to do something but the ringing in my ears was so loud I couldn't hear him.

Suddenly he slammed my head back onto the table and I remember my vision starting to get grey and then slowly black as my head spun and my ears rang. I was passing out and there was nothing I could do about it.

I don't know how long I was out but when I woke up I was in my own bed under a huge heated blanket. I don't think I had been there long because the bed beneath me was cold and my God did my back hurt. I opened my mouth like I wanted to cry out but nothing came, and for a moment I wondered if I was dreaming. My vision was becoming less gray and I noticed someone beside me, resting an equally hot towel on my forehead. As I stared and then and tried to focus I recognized the familiar haze of white hair. It was Mags. Her face was pained as she pressed the rag to my head before noticing I was awake. Her eyes met mine and she furrowed her brow, asking me with her eyes if I was ok. I silently shook my head no and arched my back. It stung so bad I couldn't stand it.

She pressed me back against the bed and pushed the heavy blanket against me, gently trying to hush me. I felt bad fighting against her but everything in my body hurt. I tried not to cry, but being comforted by her made me feel like a child and I wanted to curl up and weep. I was grateful that I had been knocked out through whatever it was that was making me hurt so badly.

I heard commotion in the hallway but my hearing was still muddled and I felt like I was under water. Mags tried to tuck me in and adjust me again. I winced at her touch, and she tucked the blanket around my neck. I tried to close my eyes, wondering if I could somehow just make it all disappear. I wanted so badly to go back in time before this horrible week, to start over. And the more the slide show of events played in my mind the more I realized nothing was as painful as Finnick leaving me with Snow. I begged myself not to care and not to cry and not to be bruised by him. But I couldn't help it.

"I'll take it from here, Mags."

I heard his voice faintly but couldn't see him. Mags brushed my forehead once more before slipping out of my sight and soon enough she was replaced by that familiar waft of auburn hair. He took her seat by my bed and I turned to look at him until his face came into focus. His eyes were tired...puffy and tear stained. He looked exhausted. Worn. But still a welcome sight. Until I let myself relive the night before. I just stared at him for a long while and he stared back. There was something that we weren't saying and maybe didn't have to, but I also knew that I must look like hell because he was clearly upset about it.

"I won't ask you to forgive me..." He finally whispered, his voice almost not coming. I just stared at him for a minute and thought about all the ways I could answer, but all that would come was a barely audible, "ok."

I know it hurt.

We sat in silence until I attempted to adjust in bed and winced at the pain. The blanket over me was heavier and heavier still...warming and letting out a light lavender scent but just not helping me to feel any less inhuman. Finnick grabbed the blanket at my shoulders and pulled it down to look underneath. He tried not to let me see him wince.

"Is it that bad? What's wrong?" It's scared me that he couldn't answer. Instead he called for Mags who must not have gone far because she appeared almost instantly.

"Start the water please."

She nodded at him and scurried off.

I saw him swallow hard and silently resign himself.

"Was it...just him?" He asked, almost pained.

I turned away from him, not wanting to look at him or think about it or answer him.

"Katniss..."

His voice was louder now, more stern but still thick with concern.

"I don't know. I blacked out." I answered without turning to him and I a tear finally escaped and rolled down my cheek. I hope he doesn't see it.

"Damnit..." I hear him whisper through gritted teeth. And just like that his arms were under me and scooping me from the bed, blanket and all. Although as we made our way across the room to the bathroom, the blanket fell off and hung from Finnick's arms and I noticed my legs which werebent and lifted over his right arm. I inhaled sharply.

My legs were covered, absolutely covered, in finger nail claw marks. At least I assume that's what it is since I'm sure a wild monkey attack would have woken me. I'm staring at my legs in shock when we reached the bathroom.

"Put me down, Finnick." I ordered him as he hurried past a mirror, he doesn't listen.

"I said put me down."

He paused and lowered me to the ground. I held the blanket around me partially and walk towards the floor length mirror. I can no longer hold back the tears.

My face was bruised. Lip and eyes swollen. My chest and stomach were covered in scrapes and dried blood. My knees were raw and bruised. And my back, damnit my back hurt. I reach for it and can feel only one deep gash on my shoulder. Like a welt or a whip. I couldn't stop staring. I knew I had gone numb long before I blacked out but this didn't even look like my face or my body. I felt my knees start to go from under me and just like that Finnick was right behind me again, catching me just as I lost my footing and crashed backwards into him. He held me there for a minute. I screamed out as my raw back pressed against his shirt.

"I'm sorry..." He whispered. I was trying to fight back tears as I felt I so often was anymore and I just shook my head. I didn't know what to tell him and in that moment I didn't care about his feelings. He gently turned me and I let my arms fall about his neck to steady myself. He gingerly held me so as not to irritate my already painful back. He helped me to walk towards the tub. The familiar sweet smell and crystal blue water. I knew I'd feel better after but the idea of climbing in covered in raw wounds made me freeze.

"I can't Finnick."

I planted my feet against his pull and refused to move, shaking in his arms.

"You can."

His voice was calm and I remembered again who I was talking to. He let me stand for a moment before stepping out of his shoes and pulling his shirt over his head. He left his pants on as he grabbed my side gently and led me down the stairs.

I screamed out as the heat of the water pierced every inch of my body and Finnick only held me tighter, steadying me under the water as I shook violently at the pain.

"Please, Finnick, I can't. I can't..."

I was screaming at him, begging it to stop, begging for him to let me out, beating against him so hard and crying so violently that I hardly realized it had worked. The pain had stopped. I was still shaking involuntarily but let myself collapse against him, head on his shoulder as he carried me in the water. I looked over his back at the window outside. Still dark. Still night.

"Where's Annie..." I asked, darkly. Half out of morbid curiousity and half to end the awkward silence as we sat floating together.

"She's gone."

He answered slowly. And I couldn't see his face to read anything into his answer. I just felt how his body tensed as he said it. I kept my head locked into his neck and shoulder, mostly to avoid his gaze. I didn't know how much he wanted to talk, or how much I cared to listen. But a part of me needed to know.

"Did you...were you able to spend the time with her...was it what you wanted...was it..."

Worth it? That's what I really wanted to ask. Was a night with Annie Cresta worth me having the shit beat out of me?

"I said goodbye to her. We fed her, gave her some medicine, hopefully got her on her way to bring back on her feet, and then...I said goodbye."

His body was still tense and his answer confused me, so I pulled back from him enough to see his face. He looked as lost as I felt.

"You'll see her again..." I tried to encourage him, cheer him...as much as it pained me. He closed his eyes and looked away from me.

"I don't think that I will." His voice was a whisper and there was a resignment there that let me know he knew something I didn't. Without thinking or knowing why, I raised my hand to touch his cheek...realizing as I did that my wounds were now just tiny pink marks that were already fading. He lifted his eyes to look at me, and there was a deep seriousness in his gaze that caught my attention immediately.

"She wouldn't have survived him, Katniss. I knew you could. I didn't know what to do."

I watched him silently torture himself over it.

"I guess I'll take that as a compliment."

He wasn't sure whether to laugh or not, and I was trying to let him off the hook. I tried to put myself in his shoes. I don't know that I could have done any different. I felt comfortable enough in that moment to press my luck.

"We're you two able to...you said you'd never been able to..." I was so sure about it as I thought it but then the words wouldn't come. I didn't want the answer but my head was already swimming with the images of him lovingly wrapped up in Annie's arms while I was beat on a dining room table.

"No."

He answered quickly, putting me out of my misery. And I couldn't tell from his tone of he was happy about it.

"But...why?"

I thought...after all this time...the boy who had been with everyone but the woman he loved, would have jumped at the chance.

"Do that...just to have to break her heart all over again and send her away? All the emotions that come with something like that..." His cadence was slowing and I had to wonder if it was only Annie he was talking about. I couldn't let myself think otherwise. Could I? He paused for a long while.

"And I couldn't. I couldn't not think about what you were going through. I wouldn't want to be with her only to be..."

He stopped and swallowed hard, lowering his eyes. He groaned to himself like he was fighting back an inner demon.

"Only to be what, Finnick..."

We were still floating motionless in the heat of the water. He pulled away from me, though, and pressed his back against the edge of the tub...creating safe space.

"Only to be thinking about you the entire time."

I felt a giant lump in my throat. I wasn't sure how to take him. But the look in his eyes let me know that whatever feelings I was fighting off, he was battling, too.

And he appeared to be just as fucking confused as I was.


	11. Chapter 11

I stared hopelessly at Finnick for a long while, floating in an isolation tank that was no longer isolated. If that wasn't the story of my life. I wasn't exactly sure how he meant those words but I knew exactly what I wanted them to mean. And then...without either of us speaking another word...we did something neither of us had done before.

We made love.

And it was different.

I moved to him first, letting him know it was ok. And without speaking he took me in his arms as we floated in the water. My legs tangled through his before finding his waist and wrapping firmly around it. He carried me gently and our bodies floated back and forth. His mouth met mine but it wasn't a fast punishing kiss like we had had before. He covered my lips...my cheeks...my chin and throat with tiny, soft and wet kisses. I moaned lowly as he kissed my neck and let my hands travel the length of his back as I held onto him. The horrors of the past week disappeared as finally his lips settled back on mine again and chastely kissed me several times before I opened my mouth and took his tongue inside me. I shifted my head and moved with him and everything about it seemed to flow in the most natural organic way. There was nothing planned or forceful or uneasy. I could feel him growing just under my backside as I clung to him and he adjusted subtly as if to hide it from me. But I didn't want him hiding anything from me anymore. I slid down on his torso until I could feel his heat again and then pulled a hand from his back to take hold of him. His mouth never left mine, even as I guided his cock inside of me...slowly to let him know it was ok. The water made it incredibly easy and he moaned into my open mouth as he settled fully inside me. I put my hands on his shoulders and pulled my lips from his...only so I could watch his face.

He pressed his forehead into mine and our eyes locked the way our mouths had. Mine was hanging open, panting, whispering his name without thinking about it. He never fully withdrew from me but instead he swirled his hips slowly, staying deep in my belly and moving slightly against me which was almost more pressure than I could stand. The steam and the water kept us so slick against each other that we had no choice but to hold on tight and move as one. I could feel tears pooling in my eyes and leaking from the corners and I didn't care. In fact I was sure his deep sea eyes were doing the same. I put my hands on the side of his face, my fingers tangling in his wet wavy hair. We studied each other's faces and had no need for words. Suddenly things that had never made sense made sense. I was pressing against him like I couldn't get close enough and he was pressing right back. He ran his hands over my back so gently and I breathed a sign that it no longer hurt to the touch. He was gradually increasing his pace inside me and I felt his stomach tightening against mine as I pulled him in closer...deeper.

"I love you..." The words came out of me unplanned and unexpected, like a sort of knee jerk reaction. But I knew they were true. I had been drawn to Finnick Odair since the first time I saw him before the Quell, and learning the things I had learned about him only cemented how I had been feeling. I had let myself fall in love with him and there was no undoing it. I didn't want to. I was staring at him as I said it and his eyes widened and deepened at the same time. He whispered my name. I realized then that I wanted him to know what it felt like to be with someone because he wanted to. Because they loved him. Not because they had paid for him.

I pressed up into me hard and held my lower back as I kept his face in my hands, not looking away. His mouth opened slightly and I could see his tongue rolling around in it. He whispered my name again and then I felt him let go inside of me. His cock was pulsing and I could feel the heat of his release deep inside of me. The sensation sent me over the edge and I felt my self tighten over and over again in waves, pulling him in deeper as my legs shook violently around him. We both cried out and clung desperately to each other. It was a moment that hung in space, and one I won't ever forget. Ever.

We floated there in peace for a moment, bodies still locked together. Foreheads pressing gently in place, until I felt him slowly and gently ease himself out of me. It felt like a gush of water followed. It was enough of a sensation that I felt my legs tighten and tremble again.

"Are you alright?" He asked gently, reaching to brush some wet hair from my forehead. I nodded yes and did the same for him, watching him close his eyes and inhale deeply. His brow furrowed. Something was troubling him.

"What? What is it?" I whispered again, not wanting the moment to end but knowing it had to. He opened his eyes.

"Katniss...I need to tell you something."

Ok then tell me, I thought. But he let his words hang there. He slipped away from me slightly and looked around the room before splashing hot water on his face and rubbing it with his hands.

"I wasn't going to tell you but after this...tonight...I don't want you to ever doubt that this was real. Promise me that?"

My voice and throat were trembling. What did he mean?

"You're scaring me..." I whispered and backed away to the opposite side of the tank, finding a little comfort.

"Do you promise?" He asked again and I nodded yes, uneasily.

"Then say it."

He was stern and I knew he meant it.

"Yes, I promise." I managed to spit out through my fear.

"You're leaving here. Tomorrow."

I stared at him confused for what felt like an eternity. I noticed he had dropped his voice significantly so I didn't want to answer, instead I just stared at his quizzically until he continued. He moved towards me in the water and spoke even softer. Watching him glide towards me reminded me of how in his element he was.

"You're leaving here. It's been the plan all along I just didn't know how soon. I didn't know until tonight."

"What? Where am I going? And what plan?" I tried to keep my voice down but it must not have worked Ashe continually hushed me.

"Listen to me. The rebellion. Your people, our people. They need you. This was the only way we could trick Snow into bringing you to us. They're going to 'abduct' you from here. I don't know where they are taking you, it's safer that I don't. Haymitch and Peeta will meet you. I can't tell you any more than that."

My mind was reeling and he suddenly seemed in a hurry to get information out.

"Wait, what? Back up. You're coming with me...right?"

His eyes narrowed softly and turned from me before he continued.

"Mags and I will stay here. She wouldn't survive the journey and the rebellion needs someone on the inside."

I shook my head no, I was not ok with this plan and yet somehow I was at the center of it? No.

"He'll kill you if he finds out you had anything to do with this. You know that Finnick."

He smiled that cocky grin and tried to seem at ease.

"I'll be far too important to kill. Torture maybe...kill, no."

He smiled. It wasn't genuine. We both knew he was right. And which was worse. I shook my head no again and he took my shoulders.

"I'll be ok. I promise. And you'll come back for me when it's safe to. No sooner. Or I'll find you."

I made myself look at him. He ran his thumbs over my cheeks.

"We need to do this." He kissed the top of my nose before backing away again. He rose the stairs and left me in the water, standing at the side and extending his hand to me. I watched him for a minute and wanted to argue more but I could tell he was set in his decision and that this plan had probably been formulated long before I ever arrived. I inhaled sharply and rose from the water.

Finnick took my hand and led me to bed, both of our still wet bodies easily snuck under the still heated down blanket. He pulled me close to his chest and I took in his scent, closing my eyes as I held him and he wrapped me in his arms. The soothing lavender scent, the heat, the weight and having Finnick wrapped up in me...all sent me off to sleep in spite of my terrified mind racing in a million directions.


	12. Chapter 12

It was pitch black, save for a sliver of midnight and possibly a sunrise too far off in the distance. There were hands on me, too many to count. And I screamed out. As loud as I could. My hands were being tied, and I blinked as I tried to focus on something. Anything. The room was full. I counted maybe six or seven people. All in black, faces covered. I was screaming for Finnick, so loud and hard the words wouldn't come. I screamed and kicked until I was gagged hard with a tight black sash. Someone was wrapping my still naked body in a large black sheet and tying it off in ways that made it impossible for me to move. I saw Finnick across the room, struggling against two people, slightly larger than him, but he wasn't putting up much of a fight. Not even as they held him and punched him. First in the gut several times, doubling him over. And then pulling his hair back to punch him several times in the face. His body crumbled to his knees and hands as I was pulled out of the room. I screamed for him again. He never looked up. They were pulling me down the hall, dragging me in this make shift black sack. I saw Mags unconscious against the wall just before a hood was pulled down over my eyes.

I fought as best I could. It took four of them to carry me out, at least that's what it felt like. None of them spoke so I couldn't guess at voices. I was shoved into a vehicle and still held in place by several people who never did talk.

I was crying, afraid. Blind, mute and paralyzed. If this was part of some plan...it certainly sucked.

The car came to a halt and I felt them lift me out. I heard the vehicle speed off and was immediately thrown over someone's shoulder and carried. I tried to scream again as I could tell we were descending stairs. I arched my back to at least make it difficult and then finally was thrown into some kind of seat. There was no one touching me or nearby and I tried as hard as I could to get loose but it was no use.

I moaned loudly against my restraint and my gag. Finally I felt a hand on my head, and the hood was removed.

My hair was clouding my vision, as was my confusion. But I recognized the smell immediately.

Haymitch. He pulled the hair off my face and put his hand on my cheek.

"Shit, Katniss, you look like hell."

He had no idea just what hell I'd been through. I was not amused. And all I could think about was leaving Finnick behind.


	13. Chapter 13

The days in hiding turned into weeks in hiding and while I was constantly inspired by the quiet force that was building, my thoughts were always lost on Finnick. I'd find time as often as I could to just close my eyes if only for a moment and relive our last night together. Of all the hell we had gone through I would gladly do any of it again if it meant a chance to see him.

Scouts would bring word from the Capitol of attacks that had been planned, lines that had been crossed. But there was no word of Finnick. I didn't know if he was alive or dead or worse and it was consuming me. I started to feel ill almost constantly, fighting off nausea and headaches and nightmares and trying to remember that I had a job to do, the only job that would make whatever Finnick had ever gone through worth it.

The worst part was everyone knew. Haymitch would sincerely send people out trying to get word from Finnick, but none ever came. I knew he was doing it for me. And while Peeta had spent the first few days reunited with me trying to force conversation or ask questions...even he had given up on that. People were quietly resigned to let me mourn even if I wasn't sure I should be yet.

We were well on our way to honkering down for the night when word came from one of the rebel troops, and a face that immediately caught my attention.

I was trying to close my eyes and think of those sea green eyes when Peeta burst through the door to the only room I could call my own...a small metal box that had become my sanctuary.

"Katniss...you need to come see this."

When I entered our fortress of training and planning I walked through it almost zombie like until I saw a large group...Haymitch and Gale included...studying papers and notes on a large table. I walked between them and looked over what they were taking in. An Avox, swiftly moving but silent, stood by and I thought for a second I may have recognized her. I looked back at the table and my eyes landed on a picture that I immediately grabbed.

It was the woman Finnick and I had spent our first night with. I studied it closely. It was some kind of surveillance footage but she was in her home and she was safe.

"How long ago was this taken?"

I quizzed methodically.

"We think as recently as yesterday. We have good information that she had provided some underground accommodations and a network of tunnels to help people from the Capitol join the rebellion."

Haymitch was filling me in as I studied the picture further and then the other photos and papers until I stopped dead in my tracks and fumbled to pick up another. Peeta saw me reach for it.

"They found them everywhere." His voice muttered quietly. Nervously. I narrowed my eyes on the picture.

Knots.

This particular picture had several. A knot weaved around the light post in front of her house. Another left loosely in the street. Finnick. But why.

"It couldn't be Finnick, he would know he was being followed."

I watched Haymitch. He had turned to Gale, who was already zipping himself into a jacket and securing a knife to his back.

"We know. Which means he must be desperate for us to find him...first."

I think I whispered his name but I don't remember. I just remember running back to my room for my bow and yelling for people to get ready to move. And they did. By the time I was flinging my arrows across my frame a small crew had gathered at the heavily guarded exit.

"You're sure you don't want to stay here? It may be safer. We will find him."

Peeta was trying to stand between me and the door, but I just looked at him, almost sneering, and he stood aside. I bounded up the long dark staircase, five of our strongest forces behind me. I'd be damned if I was going to sit around while I knew he was out there. And in trouble.

Moving discreetly throughout the Capitol had become second nature to us. And in the weeks that had passed, the uprising had grown so monumentally that we were just as likely to run into a supporter as someone we would have to dispatch. Even some peace keepers had started turning a blind eye. Snow, and everyone around him, knew that things were changing rapidly, and they were running scared. Which made me all the more concerned for Finnick. We had backed them into a corner and there was no telling what they might do to lash out.

We arrived on a familiar block and I immediately recognized the house. The mansion Finnick and I had spent our night in. I closed my eyes and remembered him there. I knew, through the conversations I had overheard them having, that she was on our side. I just hoped that she had been hiding him. Protecting him. I was relieved to see the house in order.

As we neared it I notice the post where Finnick had left a knot. I ran to it, touching it gently as if it would give me some secret as to where he was. I scanned the street for a sewer entrance.

"Here!" I heard Peeta yell and we all turned and began moving before we realized he had, in fact, found it. And several other were carefully pulling the lid aside. Haymitch stood watch as I descended first, lighting a flare as I slid down a wet ladder into the bowels of the Capitol. My boots splashed into water and God knows what else as I took in the cavernous surroundings while helping the others down.

"It smells like death..." Haymitch whispered as he looked around and I glared at him fiercely. I didn't want to think about that. I backed myself against the ladder and tried to get my bearings. Peeta, Haymitch and the other were fanning out and using flares to maneuver through different corridors. Haymitch called after Finnick loudly and his voice bellowed through the bowels of the city. Some of the others shouted for him, too, but it was silent.

"Here!" yelled Peeta, and we all ran for him.

He was standing quite a ways down a dim, but lit, corridor and shining his flare against a tiny length of blue rope that was tied around a pipe. I touched it again, silently thanking Finn for the trail of breadcrumbs. Just ahead there was a great room, a clearing between several corridors and we edged towards it carefully. Haymitch reached it first.

"What...the hell happened...here..."

Whatever he was saying was taking his breath, his words and his stability. He leaned against a wall to steady himself and I ran up behind him, stopping in my tracks.

There were several bodies, too many to count. Some slumped in the floor and others had been shot. Not just shot. With arrows. Arrows that held them to the wall. And a few were still alive, if only barely. Written on the wall in what I had hoped was not the blood it looked like, was sprawled "a gift for the Girl On Fire." I turned and threw up violently against the wall, several times. Peeta put his hand on my back to reassure me but I felt him waiver, too. I could hardly stand. But then I remembered why I had come.

When I finally regained my composure I tried to join the others in walking the perimeter. I could hardly bring myself to look at faces. Several Avox, some rebel forces. The others put some out of their misery. A medic we brought tended to those few who might not only survive but be able to manage getting out.

"Oh, no no no..." I heard Haymitch whisper low and I ran to him without thinking.

He was kneeling by the wall and cradling a lifeless body. A woman's body. It was Mags.

I sunk to my knees behind him and then the tears couldn't be stopped. I reached for her hand and tried to mourn her. I wanted to be sick again and I struggled to not get too dizzy to stand.

"Mags..." I whispered.

"She's at peace now. Finally." Haymitch whispered and gently stroked her hair before laying her back down and covering her carefully with a cloak that was nearby. I inhaled sharply a few times. If Mags was here then Finn couldn't be far. He wouldn't have let her out of his sight. I turned and scanned the room. Now I was panicky. Screaming his name until I felt hoarse. Everyone else was frantically searching, some I'm sure recognizing familiar faces and mourning in their own way, but we all knew we owed it to Finnick to find him. None more than me.

"Katniss...?"

I heard Peeta call from across the room. I squinted at him in the relative darkness and saw that he was holding the hand of someone on the floor. In a dark corner clear across the room from me.

My boots sloshed through the shallow water until I dropped to my knees beside Peeta, who turned to me as I did. I could tell from the look on his face and his speechlessness...what I was looking at.

I took the hand he was holding and felt it squeeze back. I gasped out loud and looked down at him.

Finnick. 

Or what was left of him.

"Finnick...Finnick..." I began repeating his name nonsensically and in spite of everything he tried to force a smile and hush me.

"We were calling you...Finnick..."

"Katniss..." Peeta interrupted me before gesturing to his ears. They were stained heavily with dried blood. Lots of it. As were the sides of his neck. Jabber jays. Or worse. He couldn't hear us. My heart broke as I took his head in my hands and tried to lift him. He winced and recoiled but didn't cry out.

Peeta and I both looked over his body trying to figure out where the pain was coming from. Peeta pulled at the layers of clothes and reached a blood soaked pantleg. A silver arrow, right at the top of his leg. Peeta went to remove it.

"Don't touch it..." The medic called to us from across the room as he made his way to us. Peeta cleared a space for him next to me as I held Finnick's face and tried to bring him some peace. He looked over Finnick's leg and sighed before lowering his head.

He shook his head no in Peeta's direction and then turned to me.

"The arrow severed his femoral artery. If you remove it he will bleed to death within seconds. I'm not sure how he hasn't yet."

His words were like an arrow. I couldn't process them. I didn't want to. I knew Finnick couldn't hear him but I wondered if he knew already. I turned back to him and faked a smile even as my eyes began to spill.

"Finnick." I leaned in and pressed my head to him. The others gave us our space. I felt Haymitch linger longer and then suggest to the others that they go check the remaining bodies. I leaned in to kiss Finnick, but he turned his head from me violently. Wincing as he did and choking back what looked like a sob. I noticed as he turned that the corners of his mouth were blood stained. As my eyes and my mind adjusted I knew what that meant. His tongue was gone.

I forced his head back and turned his sea green eyes towards me. They were wet and pleading and sad. He raised a shaky arm and pointed towards a large duffel bag near him that he must have been carrying.

"That...you need that?" I asked him, and he nodded yes and energetically as I imagine he could. I brought it to him and unzipped it. There was artillery. Reams of paper in several different handwritings. And his notebook. I lifted it with a shaky hand.

He nodded yes and kept pointing. I dug around more. With his hand he was making a writing motion. He wanted to write. Or maybe needed to write. I found a pen and put it in his fingers, propping him as best I could and holding his notebook open to the first blank page I could find. He wrote as steadily as he could but his hand was weaker than I imagined it would be and he stopped several times to close his eyes.

"I waited for you."

He wrote the words to me and I crumbled into him, letting the floodgates open and weeping heartily into his chest. I was ashamed to make him care for me in that moment but I was weak. I felt him lay his arm across m my back and I could tell as I lay my head on him that he was struggling to breathe. I lifted my face. There was something I needed him to know. And I don't know whether I was right to tell him or not. I sat beside him and mustered a smile. Even in his current state he was as he always had been, a beautiful sight. I swept a tendril of bronze hair from his brow and took his hand. He studied my face and smiled faintly his eyes closed slightly, as if they were too heavy to keep open. I took his hand in mine and placed it softly against my stomach. I knew he knew what I was telling him.

I was carrying his child and even if I had to say goodbye to him that night, I wanted him to know that he would forever be a part of our battle. And forever be a part of me. I mouthed the words to him that I was pregnant and watched as a single tear escaped his eye, but his face lit up the way I imagined it would have when I told him...although I didn't think it would have been there. Not in that place. His joy broke and mended my heart all at once and we cried silently together. His fingers moved back and forth on my stomach and I held my hand over his.

We sat there silently. The others had gathered around us, still allowing us space but knowing that we would need to move on shortly. He turned his hand and took mine in his. He glided it over his body until it landed on the arrow in his leg. He helped to curl my fingers around it and I knew what he was asking me to do. I choked back a sob.

"Finnick..no..." I whispered his name. And as much as I didn't want to do what he was asking, I knew I had to.

I wrapped my shaky fingers around the arrow. Tugging at it slightly and luckily it moved easily. He didn't even flinch and I wondered if he could even feel it at all anymore.

"I love you, Finnick Odair."

He smiled at me warmly. And I watched his sea green eyes find a kind of peace as they fluttered shut. And didn't open back up.

Finnick's Letter...coming soon. Thanks to everyone that has been reading along. Sorry for the sad ending, but stay tuned for the epilogue.

Also, looking for ideas for a next story so leave comments if you are looking for something!


	14. Chapter 14

_Katniss,_

 _Well, I guess you already know this, but chances are if you're reading this and I'm not, this will be my last chance to speak to you. No pressure, right? May the odds be ever in my favor..._

 _Katniss Everdeen it was my life's great purpose to cross paths with you. I know that it wasn't always easy. And I wish I could say that I loved you from the moment I laid eyes on you. But we both know that would be horse shit. You got under my skin. And I know I got under yours._

 _But you stayed there. And you became a part of me. What you have done for your people. What you have done for me. You have changed the world we live in, Katniss Everdeen and for that I am eternally grateful to you._

 _But more than that, I love you. With my whole heart. And if you're reading this the greatest regret of my life will have been never getting a chance to say that to you. But I do love you. I watched you sleep last night and imagined all the things this world could be for you, knowing I may not be a part of them. But knowing that you are bound for great things, and being a part of you...of your story? That will serve as my greatest accomplishment._

 _Find peace, Katniss. Go as far and as wide as you have to, but find peace. You deserve it. Find it with Peeta, or Gale, or on your own, but please, for me, find it. And when you do, remember me there with you. Not the teasing or the fighting or the doubting or the pain. Keep me there with you in your peaceful times._

 _I dreamed of one day taking you on my boat. Showing you the sea. My sea. Watching you watch an ocean storm. Find one, one day. I'll be in every storm that ever touches you._

 _My heart is yours. Always will be._

 _Your Finnick._

I tucked the letter neatly into my pocket. In the millions of times I had read it over the past year I had ritually folded it the same way and kissed it softly before tucking it away. Finnick's letter to me that we found in his pocket the day we left him in the Capitol.

I pressed it neatly to my heart through my heavy sweater. I rested my hands against the stern of the boat, swaying gently on the waves. Anchored, but drifting. If that didn't sum me up.

I heard a soft rumble of thunder in the distance and squinted at the bronze yellow flash of lighting through the distant clouds. The color of Finnick's hair. Against the emerald green sea that matches his eyes. I smiled at the impending storm before ducking down into our modestly appointed cabin.

Daxton was stirring in his cradle and I lifted him gently, barely waking him. Daxton...his name meant water, I know Finnick would have approved.

At just two months old he already bore a striking resemblance to his father, which melted and broke my heart all at once. And as he quietly stirred awake tucked into my shoulder, I walked him up to the deck as the rumble of thunder got closer.

Large, heavy cool drops began to fall and I smiled at him. He cooed and enjoyed the damp air, unafraid of the turmoil in the skies. I held him close and turned my eyes to the sky as the drops fell.

"I feel you, Finnick." I whispered to myself. I held his son, rocked gently on his boat underneath a storm he would have loved. I knew he was with me.

And I had found my hard earned peace.


End file.
